When you find yourself on your own, for the first time in awhile, things become Different. And not just "the old man is on vacation so i can sprawl out and eat junk food and blast all the TVs" different.
Things you thought you were "married" to - ha! - Habits, and such - somehow, you start doing the opposite. As if you'd previously clung to them as symbols of your own independence, your own resistance. Or, somehow, by changing them, you're beginning a new life, a fresh start.
I don't necessarily know which one is true. I'm just postulatin'.
For example, there were always complaints that I kept the TVs on when I slept, that I couldn't fall asleep with out one on. And since childhood, that's been pretty much true. (Oddly enough, when in college or grad school or other living situations where TV was unavailable, I've been fine). And I'd stubbornly keep the TV on, both if I was home alone, with most of the lights. Scared of the dark (Another story for another time. And sleeping in complete silence and darkness does make me insane....And keeping on music never did it for me, in fact it bothered me.) But lately, I don't automatically turn on the TVs (still have 2, yes, for the moment) when I get home. And sometimes, falling asleep to music can be nice for a change. Or even just to the relative (this is NY after all) quiet.
Some of my bad habits, bones of contention, are naturally falling away. I keep food moving in the fridge, not buying it and letting it go over so often; pay the rent on time; trying to pack lunch, eat breakfast home, return videos on time, not buy coffee out and take fewer cabs. Without nagging or provocation or passive annoyance. I cancelled the newspaper delivery (I can run down and get my own damn paper) and call waiting (I don't care all that much and it's ineffective) and get my laundry done in the mornings before work.
I'm gonna turn off the lights, and maybe just leave the iTunes on. It's on 80s shuffle right now. The GoGos to Journey to Foreigner. That hasn't changed. He'd hate this (the GoGos least of all, I'd bet, though. Although I don't know.)
Next: We Never had a Song, Could We Ever Have a Chance?