12/31/07

A word of advice....

Ladies, you'll feel me on this one.

If you're running to the gym at the crack of dawn, make sure that you pull normal tights out of your underwear drawer and not Spanx.

Ouch.

Happy New Year, one and all!


12/27/07

Blah.

What's new with me? What's new with you?!

Bad: A wicked case of insomnia, with an ulcer chaser.

Good: I found a couple of muscles today. They're firm!

Neutral: A tiny case of the sniffles; lowfat chocolate soy milk; three hours of the Strongest Man competition.

12/18/07

More Fun Facts!

(I am actually working on something interesting but my ADD seems to be flourishing today, with a light sprinkling of egomania)

Fun Fact #499: I enjoy silly blog memes. This one from Sassy Dr Snitterly.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Credit card bills... And the awful interest rates.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
A coffee shop in Vegas, overhearing a couple of Neil Diamond impersonators chatting. Okay, maybe not 'romantic' per se.

3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
Nope.

4. Do you own a guitar?
Nope. Gave it to my nephew.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. O'Sullivan.

6. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Several times, for myself and for others.

7. Do you own a piggy bank shaped like a pig?
No. Tootsie roll bank.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
Six (Hofstra, JHU, Queens College, Mt. Sinai, CUNY, Fordham)

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It's neat and pink.

10. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
They will ruin us; I'm glad I don't drive.

11. Do you shower facing the shower head or with your back to it?
Facing.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Too tired to think.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Why can't I sleep?

14. Do you have anything in your pockets right now?
My cell phone.

15. How many windows are open on your computer?
Four.

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Vacuuming. Maybe laundry.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
Yes.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Earlier nowadays.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Bugs Bunny. And Kyle from South Park.

20. Who was the last text you received from?
Ryan.

21. Are you a daydreamer?
Sometimes.

22. When did you first start feeling old?
Recently.

23. Favorite 80's movie?
The Breakfast Club.

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Smoked turkey.

25. What do you get every time you go into Costco?
I don't go there or to Sam's Club either.

26. Beach or lake?
Beach.

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Perhaps. Not really.

28. Do you own property?
No.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Bad reality TV.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
Not sure. I'm pretty unashamed. Maybe, Love Actually.

31. What's your drink at the bar?
Jack on the rocks.

32. Cowboys or Indians?
As in football teams?

33. Are you sarcastic?
Noooooo.

34. Are you shy?
More than people think.

35. In the past week have you gotten sick?
No.

36. Norm or Cliff from Cheers?
Norm.

37. In the past week have you felt stupid?
Once or twice.

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
I have no regrets.

39. In the past week have you gotten your hair cut?
No.

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Anthony Bourdain.

41. Indoors or Outdoors?
Outdoors.

42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Yes, my bicycle.

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No.

44. Last book you read for real?
A book about a woman crossing the Arctic. I forget the title.

45. Has someone disappointed you recently?
Yes.

46. What was the last film you watched?
A Mighty Wind with director's commentary.

47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Monterey. LA.

48. Have you been outside the USA?
Yes.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Career.

50. Just how OLD are you?
A lady does not tell.

Fun Facts! About Me!

At the folky festival this year, I saw a meditation maze (like the one they painted on the gym floor in "Oz" but more earthy). It didn't relax me. It made me anxious and irritated. I ended up, in a very unzenlike way, hopping over the 'walls' and bugging out of it.

Fun Fact #421: Meditation mazes give me anxiety.

You know what's kind of relaxing? Curling 10 pound free weights.

Fun Fact #427: My butt hurts.

12/13/07

@#%!(*

In an effort to cheer myself up (I am currently choking on Vitamin Water and re-evaluating my career), here are some things that amuse me:





12/5/07

Happy Hannukah!

Celebrate Brazilian style!

http://correiogourmand.com.br/info_cozinhasmundo_judaica_02.htm

11/27/07

I got this song in the mail yesterday. Isn't it cool?

Here you go! Perhaps this will help!

One, two, princes kneel before you
(thats what I said, now)
Princes, princes who adore you
(just go ahead, now)
One has diamonds in his pockets
(that sounds great, now)
This one, said he wants to buy you lockets
(aint in his head, now)

This one, he got a princely racket
(thats what I said, now)
Got some big seal upon his jacket
(aint in his head, now)
Marry him, your father will condone you
(how bout that, now)
Marry me, your father will disown you
(hell eat his hat, now)

Aww, marry him or marry me,
Im the one that loves you b baby cant you see?
Aint got no future or a family tree,
But I know what a prince and lover ought to be,
I know what a prince and lover ought to be....

Said, if you want to call me baby
(just go ahead, now)
An if youd like to tell me maybe
(just go ahead, now)
An if you wanna buy me flowers
(just go ahead, now)
And if youd like to talk for hours
(just go ahead, now)

Said, one, two, princes kneel before you
(thats what I said, now)
Princes, princes who adore you
(just go ahead, now)
One has diamonds in his pockets
(that sounds great, now)
This one, he wants to buy you lockets
(aint in his head, now)

Marry him or marry me,
Im the one that loves you baby cant you see?
Aint got no future or a family tree,
But I know what a prince and lover ought to be,
I know what a prince and lover ought to be....

Said, if you want to call me baby
(just go ahead, now)
An if youd like to tell me maybe
(just go ahead, now)
If you wanna buy me flowers
(just go ahead, now)
And if youd like to talk for hours
(just go ahead, now)
And if you want to call me baby
(just go ahead, now)
An if youd like to tell me maybe
(just go ahead, now)
If youd like buy me flowers
(just go ahead, now)
And if youd like to talk for hours
(just go ahead, now)

Said, if you want to call me baby

(just go ahead, now)

An if youd like to tell me maybe

(just go ahead, now)

If you wanna buy me flowers

(just go ahead, now)

And if youd like to talk for hours

(just go ahead, now)

Ohh baby

(just go ahead now) repeat to fade..

- Spin Doctors

11/21/07

11/12/07

They are among us. (Or, go see "Men in Black" again)

I got into my elevator a few minutes ago to do some laundry. Two men entered from the 13th (!) floor. They were about sixtyish, in work jackets. One wore glasses and carried a strangely shaped black cloth satchel. The other had a protruding forehead with a few wisps of hair, and a hoodie under his work coat. He stared at me for a full minute, then was silent, then made a few wet chirpy sounds with his lips. Just before we left the elevator, they had a brief conversational exchange that I was hoping was some Slavic dialect. It wasn't. I don't know what it was.

I am fairly sure they were space aliens who need more practice passing as humans.

11/8/07

The world must know: George was wrong!

(Not Bush, or Washington....but Costanza.)




Via Steve Ex: Twix is not the only candy with the cookie crunch. Although the candy lineup was ingenious - What of the Kit Kat?? It's loaded with wafer. It could've been Twix on the mustache....or Kit Kat!



Are they not wafers? Are wafers not cookies?

The defense rests.

Confirmed sighting:

Oh, so tasty. So tasty indeed!

11/5/07

tick tick huh?

I don't care which way the freaking clock goes, Daylight Savings Time always throws me off. It's more irritating than jet lag because there's no vacation involved.

I'm so moving to Indiana.

10/31/07

Use the Force (and lots of craft glue)


This was too adorable not to post. (L-R) Princess Leia, Yoda, Lando Calrissian. I proudly constructed the Lando cape. Neat, huh? (I take no responsibility for the jerri curls.)

10/29/07

Information, please.

The most uselessly generic phrase in the English language is "Take care of yourself." Meant figuratively, it's usually a kiss-off bye-bye when you're walking away from someone you'd rather not have run into. Meant literally, as when said to someone who's sick, it's a paradox. On the one hand, no shit. On the other hand, if the sick person (who happens to be a type A control freak asshole) knew how to do that, they wouldn't need you to tell them to. So as such, without elaboration, "Take care of yourself" means nothing to me. I mean, the generic 'me.'

Seriously, how does one do that?

10/26/07

It's the most wonderful time of the year.....





These...these are my people.

From Cousin Stephanie:

An elderly Polish man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite pierogi with fried onions wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

Downstairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite pierogi.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the pierogi was already in his mouth. With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.


'Back off!' she said. 'Those are for the funeral.'

10/18/07

You were in the show?

Yeah, I was in the show. I was in the show for 21 days once - the 21 greatest days of my life. You know, you never handle your luggage in the show, somebody else carries your bags. It was great. You hit white balls for batting practice, the ballparks are like cathedrals, the hotels all have room service, and the women all have long legs and brains.


- Crash Davis, "Bull Durham"

10/7/07

I got a new haircut yesterday.

This is what I look like:

On the slightly lighter side...

As much as I try to stay apartisan (is that a word? Scrabulous is down, dammit), I found myself enjoying this little lefty blog.

I think Political Improv is making me a better citizen.

Anxiously await your thinly-disguised show plug.

History.

This is heartbreaking.

10/6/07

Music, music, music

Honestly, I've tried to like Bruce Springsteen. I've tried. But the only song I really enjoy is "Born to Run." Sung karaoke-style. Even "Jersey Girl" is tons better as sung by Tom Waits. Maybe it's a geography thing. Maybe, as a Long Islander, that regional-man-music square millimeter of my brain is firmly occupied by vintage (pre-Uptown Girl, naturally) Billy Joel.

I can't help but like Cat Stevens. I find his voice weirdly soothing.

Try making a 'Bob Dylan' station on Pandora. You'll get lots of mildly maudlin, somewhat soothing, acousti-men, bluesy-folksy-lyrical music. Johnny Cash, Townes van Zandt, Steve Earle, Cat Stevens. I've nixed out the Everly Brothers, Paul Simon (too maudlin even for me), and of course the "Boss."

Ooh, and the odd protest song! Woody Guthrie, of course. And now, Phil Ochs singing "I Ain't Marching Anymore." Why don't we write protest songs like we used to? Pete Seeger can't live forever, literally. (With apologies to my most Rabbity friend.)

I'm at work. Thank you, Pandora Radio, for keeping me amused, and allowing me to influence the base-pairing of the so-called 'musical genome.' Whatever that may be. I'm fixing to nix some more Bruce.

10/4/07

More about me!

1. If you saw my legs, you would think I was an extra in Law & Order (Maybe I should send a snap to Central Casting). I've got stripey bruises from riding in my uncle's fishing boat and knocking into stuff, and new roundish bruises from I don't even know what. And although the insect bites are starting to heal, they are pretty scabby red. Since my blood's 'thinner than onion juice' I have to be concerned about spontaneous, slow-healing bruises.

2. To my great consternation, I noticed this morning that one of my giant cans of GNC protein powder (purchased on sale naturally) was laden with high fructose corn syrup. Health, shmealth! Back to Spirutein....if I didn't feel compelled to use all this crap up first.

3. I'm still at work, and my boss just called and interrupted my train of thought (such as it was). Oh well.

10/3/07

Trauma!

I found my first gray hair today.


9/28/07

The birthday plans are moving along nicely.

Every event has a collaborator and a gem of brilliance, so far.

Now, if we can only get Eric Ripert on board.....

Keep an eye out for an array of invites!

9/24/07

loving the Pandora Radio today

I know you might roll your eyes at this, but I'm so glad that you exist

- The Weakerthans, "Reasons" from Reconstruction Site

In brief

Most momentarily disturbing thing I saw today: a women's double-holed leather belt with the buckle torn off. I was alarmed at the sight of it, until about a block later I saw at torn up trash bag with lots of old clothes spilling out of it and on to Morgan Avenue. Not used as a weapon, most likely.

Most stuptarded thing I saw today: hipsterish chick on the L train with an uncased ipod sticking out of the back pocket of her inane blue corduroys. I almost stole it (the ipod) on principle.

Most baffling thing I saw today: Guy with a surfboard getting off the L train at First Avenue. Huh?

9/13/07

The ogl is silent.

As in, "I'm so bored I've been bl(ogl)inking all afternoon."

bl(ogl)inking: the act of clicking thru the sidebar of people's blogs (as in people you know) to get to people you sort of know, to get to people you met once or twice, and discover they are fucking dull after all and you were totally right.

bl(ogl)inking. Think it will catch on?

Shana Tova. And meat!

9/11/07

Sexy librarian? Or just hungry?



I was trying to eat the pen.

And what's up with those 'brows?

Okay, okay....

Thanks to my 'anonymous' and non-anonymous friends and family. We at the editorial desk here had a bit of a meltdown due to the inability to eat, drink and clot blood. The bruises are fading, soup has been taken and things will shape up just fine.

In the meantime, here's a picture of a strange looking kitty:

128298508615001250urtheoryhasme.jpg

9/8/07

Readers? What readers?

I seriously mean this.

Fuck it.

Honestly I don't care anymore. I just don't.

Are my expectations of people just too high?

People's expectations of me are fucked.

I will not be taken advantage of any longer.

9/7/07

If a vein falls in the forest....

does anyone give a flying fuck?

I am not great right now. Just wanted to let my one reader know that.

And if you do happen to see me do not fold, spindle, mutilate feed or armwrestle me.

Idiotic or sheer genius? You decide.



Sheepskin lined flip flops.
(Google Ads are the most challenging thing I can handle today.)

9/2/07

Shower-rific

Held out till about 7 PM at which point I was invited to a lovely friend's home for snacking and TV watching, prematurely (but enjoyably) breaking my No Humans vow.

(Actually my Ex crashed on the sofa this morning - but I did vacate the premises for many hours. And does he really count? Let's call him Leftover Eating Furniture Adjunct.)

Hit the supermarket at an ungodly hour in search of turkey legs (my smoker is calling me) to no avail. Did run into my uncle who was far too chipper for 8 AM. Got some turkey breast (I had a friend in college who was embarrassed by the term 'chicken breast.' She's a doctor now. But anyway) and blueberries (unrelated to said t.b.) at the market. Shampooed my livingroom rug after an infuriating Quest for Mops (found a snazzy Italian one at the hardware store. Yes I am the kind of compulsive slob who buys extra mop heads when buying the mop.) Made a 'dry rub' and jammed the turkey into a Ziploc with some of it and gave some to Ex who will dump it on pasta with some oil. Weirdo. Started cleaning my linen closet. Chatted long distance while throwing out enormous little-used tubs of face mask and cocoa butter (I have no idea what I was thinking. Ever buy beauty products for no reason?) Found two cans of Solarcaine, two bottles of aloe gel and neon bright bandaids - one of which I am wearing for one of my post-show injuries. It's blue. The band aid, not the injury.

Recycled. Hydrated. Showered. CLR-d my shower head.

Hyper much? This is my idea of 'relaxing.'

On another note "Flight of the Conchords" was freaking hilarious.

Somebody pass the Xanax.

Oh, and I had a Shake Shack Concrete (with pie in it) for breakfast while strolling thru Madison Square Park. Nice!

Alas....

So my Days of Avoiding All Hu-Mans are going well (my labor day present to myself). However, if you want to sleep, do not down a quart of Turkey Hill Diet Green Tea (delicious, but eye opening).

It's 320 AM. I just stirfried a pound of tofu with vegetables and packed it in containers for lunches. Jeez.

I don't want to sleep through my Days of Avoiding Hu-mans! Or shower! Sigh....

9/1/07

busy mcday!

Maybe there's something about this setting goals thing. I decided that I would do 2 things today - vacuum/shampoo my bedroom rug and get to the post office. Which I did, and did a mass-mailing, and cook(ing) some beans, cornbread (burned unfortunately) and roasted vegetables. Caught up with the Mountain Man. Chatted with the nephew and with my aunt. Made it to the bank, dry cleaner, stationery store and baby clothes shop. Picked up odds and ends, cleaned the litter box. Tried on the new clothes, and found them to be slightly too loose (although I do love the long legged, low waisted jeans and half-calf lace-up brown boots).

This as you can see was my day to slack off.

An interesting conversation - a woman, middle-aged, approached me on the street and asked if she could talk to me. I thought it was going to be a Witness, or some kind of random criticism, or a request for bus fare. She smiles and says, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but did you have knee replacement?"

For those who don't know me, I have scars across my knees. Large, prominent, wide laddery scars that wrap around the tops of my knees. I've owned them nearly thirty years (ouch) and can't imagine my legs without them.

She must have noticed them. What a conversation starter they are! She did walk with a bit of a limp, and was concerned about getting knee replacement because she was afraid she wouldn't be able to walk. She was such a cool, energetic lady. I told her I was sure she'd be strong enough to make it work, and she said she knew she would be, cause she could work. She squeezed my hand and walked off to the bus.

Anyway, just a story. About my knees.

8/31/07

8/29/07

On the flip side....

Doesn't this smart number look all comfy cozy?

Stranger things have happened.

I'm beginning to covet accessories.

High quality, classic, expensive accessories.

8/27/07

Big Time!



Megadonuts! And More!

Did you see The Girls Next Door last night?

The Girls and Hef go to Renfaire. Turns out Bridget is a Renfaire devotee.

Hip Hip Huzzah!

Verily I doth add this link.

8/26/07

Huh? Or, ring my bell.

This morning I woke up and realized I had slept with my cell phone.

8/24/07

Love: A Useless Manual

There are people you love because you were borne to them, borne of them, familial. There are people you love because of familiarity, longevity. There are people you love because you care, you want to take care of them, they take care of you. There are people you love because they make you feel wonderful, happy, and full of laughter, for a moment, for a lifetime.

Then there are people you just love, completely.

I don't know how important the distinctions are. I just know them, all.

8/21/07

Sleep, schmeep

Is it me? Or am I becoming a major bummer? Please, let me know. Seriously.

8/19/07

The Hills: 2027

This is what I do rather than clean my bedroom. Sorry!

Lauren: Wears a lot of cardigans and skinny leggings. Manages a high-end art supply store in Century City specializes in expensive handmade recycled-paper goods. When happy couples come in to browse the wedding invitations, she mutters and scribbles furiously into a recycled-paper journal. Possesses deep eye wrinkles from squinting in contempt at happy and/or successful people. Constantly reapplies muted peach lipstick. Eyebrows still incongruously dark.

Spencer: Engaged to third wife Apple Paltrow-Martin following messy splits from Heidi and Rumer Willis. Successful producer of preteen slasher films. Hair-plug technology has improved in the past twenty years, fortunately.

Brody: Avoiding extradition in Switzerland. Operates a pro shop in a ski lodge. Gained thirty pounds on dark chocolate.

Heidi: In minimum-security prison for attempting to murder Lauren by setting fire to her fluffy white sectional sofa. We learn that her natural hair color is in fact platinum blonde. Writing a tell-all book.

Whitney: Editor of Vogue. Married Ashley Olson in a million-dollar fall ceremony in the Napa Valley. Gorgeous, simply gorgeous.

Audrina: Moved to New York. Never heard from again.

8/12/07

Semisolid food, from back in the day


Anyone remember the Bisquick Impossible Pies?

http://www.recipegoldmine.com/pieimp/pieimp.html has a ton of them.

The awesomest one in my opinion is Zucchini Tomato Pie, great for using up garden excesses.

This was yummy and easy.

My brother claims no recollection of said Pie.

Fool.

I plan to make one soon and watch the no crust magic happen! You should too! It's a hallmark of suburban garden summer.

Serve one at your next barbeque!

8/11/07

Bleagh....and wtf?

Yeah a copout title if there was any...but my stomach is basically inside-out and it's tough to concentrate.

I meant to report something bizarre that happened in therapy aka shrinkage Monday. I was talking about things (as I am wont to do when paying for someone's attention and mad therapeutic skillz) and when things got too serious, I found myself slowly passing out. For real. My eyes started fluttering, I slid down on the fairly-comfy armless sofa (chaise? shrink sled? Whatever), my back against the seat of the sofa and my legs on the floor, finally pulling my legs up in hazy defeat as my eyes slammed shut. I drifted in and out of 'sleep' mumbling occasional answers to my therapist's questions and muttering "Am I dying?" from time to time (since I was convinced that this wasn't just stress but actual death). When I arose from the sofa I was disoriented and frightened. She said I'd shake it off, and was unsurprised and unstressed about it (unlike me).

Then I went and had a couple of drinks and saw a show.

Weird.

Here's an actual poo contest. Enjoy!

Hello? Hello?

Does anybody read this anymore?

On an unrelated note, may be a bad time to skip the antidepressants.

Here's a picture of a tapir:

8/9/07

Ain't no cure for the summertime ewwwws

Spotted on the walk to work this morning:

1. A woman in a smart tailored suit open at the next showing off an intricate array of subclavicular tattoos. (I'd like to think she was an attorney and it was the Bill of Rights or the 1934 Securities and Exchange Act.)

2. A shortish man in a neat grey suit, his briefcase and duffel bag on the ground next to him, shaking off and zipping up after peeing on a deli.

3. A woman in bright red surgical scrubs smoking extra-long cigarettes.

4. A woman in a black strapless cocktail dress, stiletto heels and a battered bouquest of flowers. Must've been a great night! She got flowers!

5. My purse strap creeping repeatedly across my right nipple for four crosstown blocks before I realized there were projection issues.

8/3/07

Yeah, whatevers.

I can't help it, I love Google Ads

I know they are creepy and targeted, but kind of loosely (which amuses me greatly). I know I am propagating their gently invasive advertising model by discussing it here (and reprinting links). But damn, they make me laugh a little.

Today's favorites:

The Palmpillow (which itself, has Google ads for other smallish travel pillows because it's free targeted advertising, thus effectively cannibalizing itself)

Modern Mountain Man's Big Agnes dual sleeping bag (both the website name and product line name amused me)

Dress Modest (for those who shun low necklines and muffin tops for G-d)

The Internets iz Fun!

8/2/07

F*****ing health insurance

Fuck it.
#$%!*!(%$)~

Petition for Independent Film Makers

While I'm not convinced these things work, people should be aware of what's going on here!

It was lovely.

From the draft script of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:"
JOEL
You were down by the surf. I could just
make you out in the dark.

Joel looks down to the water. There's Clementine, in her
orange hooded sweatshirt, looking out to sea.

JOEL (CONT'D)
Your back to me. In that orange
sweatshirt I would come to know so well
and even hate eventually. At the time I
thought, how cool, an orange sweatshirt.

VOICE-OVER
I remember being drawn to you even then.
I thought, I love this woman because
she's alone down there looking out at the
black ocean.

JOEL (CONT'D)
But I went back to my food. The next
thing I remember, I felt someone sitting
next to me and I saw the orange sleeve
out of the corner of my eye.

A shot of the orange sleeve. Joel looks up.

CLEMENTINE
Hi there.

JOEL
Hi.

VOICE-OVER
I was so nervous. What were you doing
there, I wondered. Your hair was lime
green. Green revolution.

A shot of her green hair.

JOEL
You said...

CLEMENTINE
I saw you sitting over here. By
yourself. I thought, thank God, someone
normal, who doesn't know how interact at
these things either.

JOEL
Yeah. I don't ever know what to say.

CLEMENTINE
I can't tell you how happy I am to hear
that. I mean, I don't mean I'm happy
you're uncomfortable, but, yknow... I'm
such a loser. Every time I come to a
party I tell myself I'm going to be
different and it's always exactly the
same and then I hate myself after for
being such a clod.

JOEL
Even then I didn't believe you entirely.
I thought how could you be talking to me
if you couldn't talk to people?

VOICE-OVER
But I thought, I don't know, I thought it
was cool that you were sensitive enough
to know what I was feeling and that you
were attracted to it.

CLEMENTINE
But, I don't know, maybe we're the normal
ones, y'know? I mean, what kind of
people do well at this stuff?

VOICE-OVER
And I just liked you so much.

CLEMENTINE (CONT'D)
You did? You liked me?

JOEL
You know what I did.

CLEMENTINE
Yeah, I know. I'm fishing.

JOEL
You said --

She picks a drumstick off of Joel's plate.

CLEMENTINE
I'm Clementine. Can I borrow a piece of
your chicken?

JOEL
And you picked it out of my plate before
I could answer and it felt so intimate
like we were already lovers.

JOEL (CONT'D)
I remember --

VOICE-OVER
The grease on your chin in the bonfire
light.

Shot of a smudge of chicken grease on Clementine's chin.

CLEMENTINE
Oh God, how horrid.

JOEL
I'm Joel.

VOICE-OVER
No, it was lovely.

CLEMENTINE (CONT'D)
Hi, Joel. So no jokes about my name?

JOEL
You mean, like...
(singing)
Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin', oh, my
darlin', Clementine... ? Huckleberry
Hound? That sort of thing?

CLEMENTINE
Yeah, like that.

JOEL
Nope. No jokes. My favorite thing when
I was a kid was my Huckleberry Hound
doll. I think your name is magic.

She smiles.

8/1/07

Weird things that freak me out

1. People cracking knuckles or other joints.
2. Images of heads without faces.
3. Popping balloons.
4. The idea of creatures inside walls.
5. Crossing a large bridge on foot.

I'm sure there are more.

And if anyone wants to walk the Brooklyn Bridge with me, please drop me a line.

7/26/07

That's what I do

from actual patents.

"bugle headed screw dog"
"flesh correction circuitry for color television"

7/20/07

What little girl didn't want earmuff hair?

...or a dashing anti-hero with shaggy hair?



Leia: "I love you."
Solo: "I know."

One of my all time favorite quotes.

7/16/07

For Melissa...and a bit about my journey west



Thought you'd love 'em! I do!
Purchased here (NSFW!) in San Francisco.

More on the trip later! But here's some brief notes -

1. Pacific Ocean is f-ing COLD.
2. Cal-Mex is worlds better than NY-Mex.
3. Sunscreen works when applied properly.
4. Redwoods really are freaking HUGE.
5. Air conditioning? Who needs it!
6. There are no bad seats in AT&T Park. You can see Bonds go 0-fer from the nosebleed deck.
7. There is no good sleep on the redeye.
8. Three performances in a row? No sweat!
9. I loves me some big American truck.
10. Nerds are cool. Super cool.

7/11/07

Off I go!





following slight detours to









Laters all!

7/9/07

I want to work in the Social Robotics lab at Yale.

Will this be available in stores near you?

Alternatively, isn't Social Robotics a great improv troupe name?

7/8/07

Pandora Part 2, or my feelings can best be expressed by a song by...Kelly Clarkson??

Indeed.

"Because of You"


I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
[Because Of You lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid


I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

7/6/07

I do loves Pandora radio

You say you fell while holding diamonds in your hands
"It's your fault for running, holding diamonds," I said
And I offer no sympathy for that
I hear that it was you who died alone
And I offer no sympathy for that
Better off I sparkle on my own

And someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough

I turned around 3 times and wound up at your door
Now you say you know all you did not know before
And I offer no sympathy for that
I hear that it was you who died alone
And I offer no sympathy for that
Better off I sparkle on my own

And someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough

I got your love letters
I threw them all away
And I hear you think that I'm crazy
I'm driving 95
And I'm driving you away
And I shine a little more lately

Someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough

Someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough

I shine a little more lately

- Anna Nalick, "In the Rough"

Public Service Announcement #453: From a tofu-eating omnivore

A neat, fairly nonjudgmental appraisal of veganism from the meat eaters point of view.

Utterly without context. I think.

7/5/07

She's a firecracker!



It's Lily! (Somehow the picture got unlinked but she is a DOLL!)

8 lb, 10 oz, 22.5"
7/4/07

my new niece (cousin, technically, but I've been promoted to aunt)

Pretty things....or stop me before I shop again