what happens when you wake up at odd hours

"Nothing's accomplished here."
- Glengarry Glen Ross

Just can't seem to get it together. Or understand, anyone.

Wish I'd been a teenager, so I could've worked this shit out.

All I know is that the music videos on the gay channel are amazing. So was "Heavenly Creatures." I had no idea that was a true story!

Would've gone to the movies tonight, had "Heavenly Creatures" and "Psycho Beach Party" not double-billed.

And IMDB..how did we ever live without it?

amusing lyrics du jour

"(She was a) Hotel Detective" - They Might be Giants

She's got her ear to the walls and she's tappin' the calls
If you've got a secret boy, forget about it, 'cause she's a

Hotel Detective
my little
Hotel Detective
yeah she's a
Hotel Detective
Why don't you check her out

Well the bellhop is funky
The dumbwaiter's a monkey
If there's a knock at the door, boy, forget about it, 'cause she's a

Hotel Detective
my little
Hotel Detective
Hotel Detective
Cone on and check her out

She says she likes my face
She says she owns the place
Forget about it, 'cause she's a

Hotel Detective
my little
Hotel Detective
come on her
Hotel Detective
Why don't you check her out

Hotel Detective
Come on and swing with me
Hotel Detective
From the top of a tree
Hotel Detective
And make me feel like a bee
Hotel Detective
That's where I want to know you

sappy lyrics du jour

"First Day Of My Life" - Bright Eyes

This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you had just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me


Cabbie Wisdom, 440 PM

"I tell you..swallow three pieces of garlic every morning before you brush your teeth....yes, it will burn, it will make you dizzy, before breakfast, before ANYTHING..it will cure everything, heart disease, diabetes, everything....what do those doctors know...(more anguished)...trust me I smoke two packs a day since I was seven and now I am thirty two (he looks about forty-five)...they die before you..they know SHIT...(more anguished still)...all they do is have sex with their nurses, eighteen, nineteen years old...GROUP SEX, you know what I am saying?!?!?!"

As I am hastily gathering up my eighty bags (including a bundle of flowers and an alarming quantity of beets) from the Greenmarket which were threatening to give me numb-arm (NARM NARM NARM) on the walk home, he is still going on.

"Take your time...I am a smoker, a lover, a stockbroker, a cabbie....I am EVERYTHING."

He didn't pull away for a solid minute.

I heart NY.


We're the Hooligans...with apologies to the biggest British badass I know

"I'd hate to be a dustbin in Shaftesbury tonight."

I'm listening to Bill Hicks' "Arizona Bay" right now. Excerpts abounds.

"Speak English! It's Crip...Blood. I picture a bunch of pale guys in penny loafers and no socks."

"If you corner me I might become a scallywag!...It doesn't sound scary at all, doesn't it?"

"This wouldn't be a long gang battle..I'm bettin' on the Bloods."

I did have a devastatingly handsome photo of my favorite English Hooligan here, all leather-jacketed-bad-ass-chain-smoking, but I didn't want to find myself arse-backwards inside a dustbin next time I popped over for a visit, so I kept it to myself.

Although I have little reason to pick on you folks (even if some of you ARE in marketing and advertising), since it was your prescient and intelligent nation that appreciated Hicks far more than ours in his time.

What makes me intensely sad is that "Arizona Bay" is essentially the work of a dying man, and that ain't no joke.

In other semi-related news, I'm fairly certain that I'm abandoning my 'comedy journal' on another website and moving all my bullshit over here. More bullshit, huzzah! Now 44% more efficient!



You're right (although I doubt you read this.) I should be thinking about a career.

I'm thinking of about five right now.

I'm also thinking of the pains in my gut, the short-story collection in my bag I'm dying to finish, the Diet Dr Pepper I've yet to consume, the meeting I need to schedule tomorrow night, the fantastic skirt I'm wearing right now, the phone conference call that hasn't happened yet, and how any of these things may be somehow related.

I am thinking about who may read this.

I am not thinking about the crap work on my desk. It makes me sleepy and angry.


There should be three posts here.

I like pudding (chocolate) and angel food cake.

Sullen teenager or adult realist?

Would disappearing from the face of the earth actually make a difference?

Odd but true

Sometimes I think my future-ex understands me better than most people in the world do. At least that's how I felt when he met my train last night smiling his crooked smile, and held me very tightly and kissed the top of my beautiful curly dark-red (for now) hair, deep in the guts of dank late-night Penn Station.

I didn't have to explain, and it was lovely.

There had to be a reason, really, we were so together for so long; at least it wasn't all for naught.


From the pillow of Wonky New Age Toronto Hotel, or whatever happened to mints?

Citrine: Energizing, invigorating and positive. Citrine can increase motivation and relieve felings of inertia, improve digestion, clear congestion and may work to purify the blood as well. Raises self-esteem, heightens perception, enhances creativity, promotes harmony. Encourages kindness, brings wisdom.

Pretty nice fucking rock. Good thing I didn't attempt to eat it.


Shoot me.

Not only have I been required to pontificate on the minutiae of the attorney-client privilege all day and giving myself the world's worst headache, and being sorely underpaid for it, and listening to idiot girls turn up the volume on the IM and wheel each other around on document carts while playing patty-cake (these girls are in their twenties), I just saw the valedictorian of my law school class leave the same place I am working and get into a black car, suited up and gorgeous.

I gracefully slid behind a pillar.



If you haven't seen this show

you are missing out.

Go check out Ampersand at the Magnet Theater on Sunday nights.

Sheer fucking joy. Two person improv. Furf is a lovely piece of...improvisor.

Seriously, he's done a fine job of putting together a unique and briliant show. Don't miss this!

I loved it, wet and freezing, And Rosie is a goddess for brewing up coffee. A goddess!

Love, love love.


Sunday afternoon


I had a dream that I was standing in the middle of Eight Avenue, somewhere in Chelsea. There were cars barreling down on me and there was no way that I was not going to die. In the brief period of time-dilation I was experiencing, I realized fully that I had gotten myself into the situation, somehow, that it was almost nearly doomed for utter failure, and that maybe, just maybe, if I balanced myself on the thin white stripe of paint in the middle of the-

Then I woke up.

I have just spent the better part of the afternoon in Teresa's, a terrific coffee shop on First Avenue; the time can be broken down into several phases:

1. Brunch with Mark. Why I don't tape some of this stuff and just write the damn bits myself is beyond me. They're too good. Today's conversations went especially blue, veering off into porn temp agencies, animal bukkake and how to get panties onto a chicken. The omelettes were lovely.
2. Waiting out torrential rainstorm/waiting for my mother meeting me with Sephora purchases
3. Returning to Teresa's so my mother could indulge her blintz fix, requiring me to order more tea. My mother is often intentionallly hilarious, sometimes unintentionally. We broke out the Jewish Sisterhood bit for her, which she thought would be a definite hit.

Long afternoon. Although spent with two of the funniest comedians you haven't heard of.

Got lots of work ahead of me, but a head full of snot and a closed throat. Hooray!


Throat: scratchy
Voice: Husky, diminishing
Thirst: great
Liver: actve
Blood: very thin
Concern about bodily injury: great
Feeling about being alone at the moment: mixed
Number of drunk dials performed: 1
Number likely to result in/affect potential booty calls: 0
Exhaustion: intense
Enjoyment of evening: high


Movie Quotes

"I am not your consolation prize."
- When Harry Met Sally

"I though of that old joke, y'know, the, this, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" And the guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much how I feel about relationships. Y'know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and, but, uh, I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs. "
- Annie Hall

Summertime, or what I remember most.

We used to go to the beach, a lot. Every summer.

We'd take the train to Point Pleasant, Ocean Grove, Asbury Park, Spring Lake; the subway to Coney Island, or Brighton Beach. Coney Island was Nathans and Brighton was knishes, and once we went to the surly Georgian grocery store, and going in one at a time so someone could watch the stuff. LIRR to Oakdale and my dads, even the summer we swam too far and had to be rescued, or East Hampton and my aunts, like when I laughed at him for his fear of fishing as I merrily baited hooks and trolled with my uncle out towards Montauk Point. We went to Newport after the Bar exam and sat in the cloudy cold sand anyway and rode a real schooner and ogled the tan deckhands together. We went to glorious Miami Beach and stepped out our hotel and onto the sand, the glamourous life. Ocean Grove NJ was a dry town with tent-cottages and a huge cavernous church hall and we walked to Bradley Beach and had spaghetti and snuck wine back to our inn and sat on the windy porch and drank it with glasses we bought, leftover new years glasses I think, and talked and looked at the clouds and listened to the wonderful angry storm-surf. Point Pleasant was the best, day tripping, or that Raymond Carver like hotel where we laughed at the tiny railroad and went to the batting cages and he found me the perfect twenty-five cent arcade with ms pac man and we made love in the shower after the beach and flopped on the bed and ate fudge after a perfect dinner at the restuarant that teetered on pillars moored into the surf.

Those were good things, good summers.


RIP Peter Jennings

So, I almost finished the dreaded paperwork.

What did it take? Lots of crossouts, some bad Chinese food and fifty minutes of douche-baggery on the phone.

Just need two more terribly obvious documents and some fuzzy math.

And a few hours sleep. Fucktard, that's me.

Baggy eyed fucktard.

It better not be hot tomorrow, I gotta dress to depress.

Night all. I've got 'Landslide' going thru my head now. I'm overtired, my face's broken out, and I'm obsessed with this little bump on my forehead.

And, yeah, RIP Peter Jennings. I'll always remember shoving you out of the way at that tiny news shop on 72nd street when you were walking your dog and buying Marlboros. And then looking up outside the news shop and seeing who I'd just shoved.

"Hey there...nice dog."
"Thanks." Lighting up, and sauntering away, tall and gorgeous.



Yeah, it's like that.

So this got me good today, from a folk-station I found on iTunes (WUMB, from Umass-Boston - iTunes has improved their radio station selection drastically). So I had to find the lyrics, download the song, etc.

When I get sucked in, I get sucked in, yes I do. So what? Go on, leave me to my maudlin shit. Go!

Along those lines, anyone catch Six Feet Under. My mom called it the saddest show she's ever seen on TV, ever. It was pretty harsh. Harsh!

Anyway, here's my song du jour, properly cited and all.

Still staving off the progress of my divorce nicely, thanks for asking. Just to complete the maudlin trifecta.

I haven't eaten since noon today. Why? Dunno. Oh, I had some cabbage. Why? Dunno.

Here's the damn song.

from www.cowboylyrics.com:

(as performed by Emmylou Harris and Don Williams)

Artist/Band: Van Zandt Townes
Lyrics for Song: If I Needed You
Lyrics for Album: Legend

If I needed you would you come to me,
Would you come to me, and ease my pain?
If you needed me
I would come to you
I'd swim the seas for to ease your pain

In the night forlorn the morning's born
And the morning shines with the lights of love
You will miss sunrise if you close your eyes
That would break my heart in two

The lady's with me now since I showed her how
To lay her lily hand in mine
Loop and Lil agree she's a sight to see
And a treasure for the poor to find