1. Blind items are not effective, sod it.
2. I sent this poem on to the person who perhaps needed to see it. Another of life's bitter ironies, if I had font capabilities, I could have sent it in the original:
"I loved you..."
by Alexander Sergeyevich Pushkin
I loved you, and I probably still do,
And for a while the feeling may remain...
But let my love no longer trouble you,
I do not wish to cause you any pain.
I loved you; and the hopelessness I knew,
The jealousy, the shyness - though in vain -
Made up a love so tender and so true
As may God grant you to be loved again.
As I described it, "Overwrought, with a touch of 'Fuck you'" So very Russian.
3. Without permission, I have dipped into same certain person's email account and have reprinted this without permission. But expectation of privacy being what it should (zero) and someone knowing that they should really separate their electronic lives, my help or not, tough shit to you. However, it sums things up in a most poignant and kind of interesting manner, and shows how fucking wrongheaded and selfish and sad he can be.
Did I break his heart? Did he break mine?
How did we make eachother out so wrong for so many years? how???
(a reply to a friend of his, another former friend-with-benefit of his)
"I'm very sad for Michelle, for myself, for her family, her friends, for Homeboy. But I think her expectations for solipsistic *me* to give her a happy, giving marriage were unrealistic. I've asked her enough times (albeit in anger or exasperation), "What... do...you...want...from...me?!
How could I ever have competed with her X-er improv and comedy friends, her lawyer friends, or her gay friend M*, who she spends hours and hours with, talking and laughing about tv shows, plays, musicals, books and songs that I don't know anything about?
I was fascinated by her smarts and her manic craziness, and felt tender affection and sentimental romance, but it ultimately wasn't enough for her. She wanted to be friends, too. But I guess I knew better on some level: how can you be friends with someone who can break your heart?"
4. I have many friends named Ken, and I spoke to some of them tonight, and that made me quite happy. One of them and I were wondering if we'd ever just have one relationship, just have one job, one love, one career. If nothing else, our brilliant university education (Where we met) taught us how to multitask! Sigh.....
5. I had a tentatively nice conversation with a perfectly nice, attractive, funny, employed, age-appropriate, smiley, friendly guy last night. Who appeared to kind of like doing that with me. Then I ran ran ran away. Fast.
6. The "Vagina Monologues" is over. It went well. I'm tired. Can't help but think about that one about the thirtysomething lawyer who became a dominatrix....
7. A diet of whole foods and booze can constitute a balanced lifestyle, no?