1. Pour some bourbon into small water glass over ice. Sip reasonably slowly.
2. Call ex-boyfriend
3. Repeat #1 during phone call, relive past in positive fashion. Hear some (unrelated to current life) terrible news. Make tentative lunch plans. Repeat #1.
4. Call friend, realize time, hang up on machine
5. Repeat #1
6. Call back good friend in Chicago in slightly manic fashion
7. Develop slight soul-crushing hysteria
8. Call good friend across street and insist that nothing is wrong.
9. Good friend arrives at door. Finish drink.
10. Receive hugs and relieve hysteria.
11. With friend, create fake "Nerve" profile and chat up weirdos. Laugh hysterically, freak out and delete profile.
12. With friend, review sites for adult baby gear and the "Real Doll" in great detail.
13. Thank friend profusely for supporting bout of temporary insanity.
14. Contemplate snack and finish unfinished business neglected during bout of soul-crushing hysteria.
15. Straighten up house, pour soda, prepare for bed. Type this shit.