The Wind

Which I'm listening to obsessively right now. "El amor de mi vida" is up now.

What an odd afternoon. Met G to do the taxes. Was looking at him with wistful regret, until he walked in the door of H&R Cock looking, well, like hell. Was tolerating the proceedings until I found out he lost a massive (MASSIVE MASSIVE) amount of money in an investment I didn't know about, or had dismissed as "shady" if I remember correctly. Homicidal doesn't begin to describe it. But I held it together. He can't stop touching me - patting me on the head and so forth. He wants to come to my shows now. He bought me lunch. What the fuck?!

I have to admit to the occasional moments of doubt and sadness. Oh, there I go, being all humanoid again.

In the I Cannot Handle You department, I've also chosen to separate myself from a person who is, or was, a friend, who I just cannot deal with right now. And I've already found myself thinking, Boy they'd love to hear about this, and then putting the receiver back on to the cradle. But I can't deal with their situation right now, and I'm no good in context. I've found more upheaval and transition in my friendships lately than ever, an unexpected development. I barely talk to my mom, and I haven't gotten tickets to visit my friend in NC - I feel terrible, but I can't handle the stress right now. I'm stunned about friends who don't, and sometimes about friends who do, check in with me to see how things are. I've been all but abandoned by some. What the fuck?!

Like I told G, I'm learning to uni-task more. What the fuck?!

I need to find a man I don't have to raise.

He told me today he'd be profoundly jealous when I started dating. At this point, I'm gonna make that an "if." As if he had the right. Oddly, I found that I appreciated his interest in the situation. At least jealousy means that he's breathing. What the fuck?!

Life is strange. But hopefully I won't have to write my own requiem anytime soon, as stunning as this album may be.

Damn, that's life affirming. What the fuck?!

Just to get back to the requiems....

Some days I feel like my shadow's casting me
Some days the sun don't shine
Sometimes I wonder what tomorrow's gonna bring
When I think about my dirty life and times
One day I came to a fork in the road
Folks, I just couldn't go where I was told
Now they'll hunt me down and hang me for my crimes
If I tell about my dirty life and times
I had someone 'til she went out for a stroll
Should have run after her
It's hard to find a girl with a heart of gold
When you're living in a four-letter world
And if she won't love me then her sister will
She's from Say-one-thing-and-mean-another's-ville
And she can't seem to make up her mind
When she hears about my dirty life and times
Some days I feel like my shadow's casting me
Some days the sun don't shine
Sometimes I wonder why I'm still running free
All up and down the line
Gets a little lonely, folks, you know what I mean
I'm looking for a woman with low self-esteem
To lay me out and ease my worried mind
While I'm winding down my dirty life and times
Who'll lay me out and ease my worried mind
While I'm winding down my dirty life and times
- "Dirty Life and Times"

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