Worst website ever.

It just screams "I give up" and quietly sad desperation.

That's what I do

from actual patents.

"bugle headed screw dog"
"flesh correction circuitry for color television"

Yeah, whatever.

What little girl didn't want earmuff hair?

...or a dashing anti-hero with shaggy hair?



Leia: "I love you."
Solo: "I know."

One of my all time favorite quotes.

For Melissa...and a bit about my journey west

Thought you'd love 'em! I do!
Purchased here (NSFW!) in San Francisco.

More on the trip later! But here's some brief notes -

1. Pacific Ocean is f-ing COLD.
2. Cal-Mex is worlds better than NY-Mex.
3. Sunscreen works when applied properly.
4. Redwoods really are freaking HUGE.
5. Air conditioning? Who needs it!
6. There are no bad seats in AT&T Park. You can see Bonds go 0-fer from the nosebleed deck.
7. There is no good sleep on the redeye.
8. Three performances in a row? No sweat!
9. I loves me some big American truck.
10. Nerds are cool. Super cool.

Off I go!

following slight detours to









Laters all!

The third and most disturbing product link of all today...

More nerd stuff, or I was President of the Mathletes once.

I want this shirt:

Shut up baby!

This slide show is disturbing me.

I want to work in the Social Robotics lab at Yale.

Will this be available in stores near you?

Alternatively, isn't Social Robotics a great improv troupe name?

Pandora Part 2, or my feelings can best be expressed by a song by...Kelly Clarkson??

Indeed.

"Because of You"


I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
[Because Of You lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid


I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

I do loves Pandora radio

You say you fell while holding diamonds in your hands
"It's your fault for running, holding diamonds," I said
And I offer no sympathy for that
I hear that it was you who died alone
And I offer no sympathy for that
Better off I sparkle on my own

And someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough

I turned around 3 times and wound up at your door
Now you say you know all you did not know before
And I offer no sympathy for that
I hear that it was you who died alone
And I offer no sympathy for that
Better off I sparkle on my own

And someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough

I got your love letters
I threw them all away
And I hear you think that I'm crazy
I'm driving 95
And I'm driving you away
And I shine a little more lately

Someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough

Someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough

I shine a little more lately

- Anna Nalick, "In the Rough"

Public Service Announcement #453: From a tofu-eating omnivore

A neat, fairly nonjudgmental appraisal of veganism from the meat eaters point of view.

Utterly without context. I think.

She's a firecracker!

It's Lily! (Somehow the picture got unlinked but she is a DOLL!)

8 lb, 10 oz, 22.5"
7/4/07

my new niece (cousin, technically, but I've been promoted to aunt)

Pretty things....or stop me before I shop again

Just one of them days

pithy, no?

people are like
oranges
a thin outer layer of intensity
a tough layer of bitterness
a sweet juicy nourishing center

Clot-i-versaries.

In a few days is the first anniversary of my second (third?) blood clot. It was my second hospital stay for blood-clot related reasons, let's just keep it simple.

My first set of blood clot(s) - one in each lung, technically making them 'pulmonary emboli' rather than 'deep vein thromboses' (which is what the second one was) - happened two years ago; in fact, my second clot-i-versary coincides neatly with my wedding anniversary. I spent my seventh anniversary in Bellevue with a heparin drip, an EKG and pulse oximeter, a tray of uneaten chicken and mashed potatoes, a desultory hand-made card from my husband, and incredible amounts of tension. Shortly after I arrived home from Bellevue, after I went back to work, I asked him to move out. Nothing like piling tension on tension.

The second clot - the DVT - was a surprise, because I had quit the Pill and considered my problem solved. Actually, that's not true; I lived in holy fear that it would happen again. When I was striding across the overpass in the Newark Gateway Center I felt a sharp, fierce twinge in my calf and I knew what was happening.

The first time I was hospitalized I was numb and exhausted, having been running around with blocked pulmonary vessels for far too long. The second time, I was angry and anxious. I was uncooperative and demanding; I got my bags searched by Mt. Sinai Security when I railed against my lack of anxiety meds and threatened to take my own pills.

Over the past two years, I've paid thousands of dollars for injectable heparin. I've been so loaded with Klonopin I've been a zombie at times, the anxiety attacks being fierce and frequent. I've looked like a fat bruised junkie more than I care to remember. I've taken innumerable cabs to stew in innumberable waiting-rooms for constant monitoring and agonizing.

Since last year, I've lost weight, continuing on my pre-clot fitness 'kick' with renewed energy and a great deal more help and support. It's no longer a kick; it's how I'm trying, as best I can, to live my life. At the same time, I'm trying to go easier on myself, personally, while pushing myself to live properly (as my old shrink used to say).

I've gotten a new shrink, and a new doctor or two. They are wonderful women who help me take care of myself in so many ways.

This year I learned that I have a condition that will clot up my blood with relatively little to do with me - it's a genetic problem that causes me to produce antibodies that gum up the works (anticardiolipin antibody syndrome for you educated folk). You'd think this would make me more fatalistic; it may have two years ago, but it strangely doesn't now. It has made me rethink the desire to have children, which waxes and wanes, because the miscarriage risk is incredibly high. An interesting corollary, no doubt, to my reproductive woes.

Two years ago, or one year ago, I couldn't have handled this news. Two years ago, I'd not be wearing a skirt without stockings or probably even this patterned pink top that I adore. I'd not be pumping weights at the gym with pleasantly few aftereffects the next day, or less than I expected. I'd not be walking a six mile walkathon, or running for a train (in my case, a fast hobble down the subway steps; my peculiar knee anatomy has resigned me to my awkward downhill gait). I wouldn't be marching in a Memorial Day Parade. I'd not be forsaking a bag of chocolate almonds on my desk or refrigerating half a sandwich after lunch.

I'm very lucky. I'm loved and needed and alive. In the peculiarly wobbly cycle of life, it's what I am truly needed to be right now.

Potatoes are done but I'm awake

A touch of insomnia perhaps. Although I was quite productive - I now have several leftover bean tostadas (corn tortilla, veggie refried beans, taco sauce, fat free cheese and some lowfat sour cream); pesto potato salad with grilled salmon (stolen freely from here minus the olives with the salmon as my idea) and an extra grilled salmon fillet. Not to mention a freezer full of brownies (baked Sunday).

I have heard that there are two kinds of people in the world - those who like olives and those who don't.