Welcome to my world of insomnia.

Sigh. More juice, perhaps, in some vague flavor known as 'tropical.' Yum!

Anyway.

So I went to Ricky's in search of halloween supplies, and was fairly succesful. The Ricky's girl steered me towards a very cool wig - not the packaged kind, but their regular stock - that was half off. It's a long dark affair, that's fun to play with. However, I was going for more of a drag-queen aesthetic so I wonder if I could style it somehow. I have no clue how to style an inexpensive synthetic wig. I bought a headband but it looks more preppy-princess. I could braid it and go as a fundamentalist polygamous lady, but I haven't the dress. Actually, I do, now that I think about it - a long, modest flowered affair. Hmm!

My original halloween idea was to be a zombie drag queen. Named Jiggle Mortis.

Not that it's terribly original, but I have a neat stash of drag-queen accessories i got at the Broadway Flea Market a few years back - gold pumps, a blue feather boa, and sequined armbands. I've got a neat gown that I scored for $5 (seriously!) at FIlene's, if it still fits OK. And, of course, I have gloves somewhere but I need to find them - I fear they've disappeared into the sexytime black hole in my bedroom (that ate my blue satin bustier). So it's all about the hair. I'm sure there's a few Wikipedia entries that will help me with the 'do. Or, I just pretend I'm Cher. It's Cher hair, to be fair.

Au contraire, mon frere. (Anyone who gets that reference in connection with hair gets a free cocktail!)

To sum up, wigs are fun! And Ricky's is a neat store. (I also got makeup sponges, gray face paint and a tiny vial of stage blood for convenient zombifying.) Huzzah!

Fashion based reality TV is ruin my mind, no?

(I have adopted the accent of Francesca Fiore, so yes, the above title is correct.)

Things I want, in an abstract way:

1. DVF wrap dress
2. An amusing Betsey Johnson dress.
3. Christian Loubotin pumps.
4. Kate Spade bags.

Of the above, I may break down on 4 (which, I might add, will not cause me to fall, look like a sausage, or empty my bank account). The rest are clearly high and outside.

Pink is the new offense.

I can't walk five feet in Manhattan without being blinded by one of these:


And there are more, more, more of them in odious shades of pink than you can even imagine.

Last week in court I saw an elderly attorney of unknown foreign provenance flanked by two young blonde women in shocking pink trench coats. I couldn't stop staring. I know they are probably smart, competent legal professionals, but all I could think was "Pink Lady and Jeff."



Why, I ask, why??

A ridiculous conflict

ON THE ONE HAND....Old Navy, like too many retailers, has pulled their fat clothes from their stores, because apparently fat people and size 16 pants take up too much freaking room in their stores. Or, we'd rather shop while eating pounds and pounds of chocolate chicken pot pies. Or something. At any rate, it's online or nothing.

ON THE OTHER HAND...some of that stuff is cute and super cheap, which is what I require in clothing at this moment.

What's a semi-fattie to do?

Would you say that I was flat chested?

If I asked you honestly? And relatively?

I have no idea why I'm writing this. I am sniffing at a bag of chocolate chip cookies but don't feel like eating them.

Last night I almost had a 'wardrobe malfunction' because my favorite, molded-cup, formerly-pushup bra now oddly hovers over my girlish curves in the most random of manners. I had to run to the ladies' room to replace the girls back into their now-large spare rooms.

(in the interests of full disclosure, that bra is a size 44DDD.)

Sigh.

Here's a picture of a 1940s 'sweater girl' for your amusement.

Beauty Tip #377

Philosophy's "Soap and Water" perfume should really be named "Baby Wipes/Diaper Fresh."

Seriously.

(Note to people who like to sniff at me: This is not the fragrance I bought. It is the one I absentmindedly tried on while I was blocking the path of the annoying woman and her annoying dog at Sephora.)

G'wan, eat that Twinkie!

American Apparel has a (tiny) selection of clothes for fatties!

And by fatties I mean the size I would be if I lost another 50 pounds or so. Maybe. Although the craving for an array of brightly-colored, LA-produced, creepy-advertised tiny rib tanks is INTENSE!

I own a pair of American Apparel 'thigh high' socks. And by thigh high I mean knee high. They're quite cute. I also purchased a strange polka-dotted headband and a smallish pair of mens' safety orange briefs, possibly to be gifted when it amuses me to do so.

What would you do, ladies and gents, if confronted with a pair of safety orange briefs (on another, clearly, not on yourself.) I may buy another few pairs and scatter them amongst the slim-hipped men of New York just for giggles. Kind of like marking a dollar bill with your name, or website, and sending it out into the world.

Indeed.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.....

On the flip side....

Doesn't this smart number look all comfy cozy?

Stranger things have happened.

I'm beginning to covet accessories.

High quality, classic, expensive accessories.

I like my shirt.

Just saying. I'm surprised, because it's (a) made from unnatural fibers (b) predominately pink and (c) patterned with paisley and floral design. Still and all, it's a lovely shirt.

I like my skirt; it's black with some white daisies embroidered on, and the dry cleaner took it in a few inches at the waist for me.

I've been wearing less black lately, though, overall. Odd.

How big strapping gals look adorable

1. By standing next to a very, very tall dude. (If you are not aware, I am 5-9 barefoot. And by the way I was told that I look 'petite' and 'normal sized' by two different friends. Indeed!)



2. By wearing a friggin' sundress.



Well, kind of adorable. I was worried about my arms, but it was pointed out that the arms may not be the focal point of the dress.

And perhaps not using words like 'friggin' may help.