My Magic 8 Ball seems to have died. What's up with that! Some type of chemical degradation has occurred in the 8-ball solution. The fluid is bubbly and no longer sufficiently buoyant; the multi-sided fortune-telling die is no longer monostable inside the fluid and, thus, not a decisive predictor of one's future or a reliable answerer of one's life-changing questions.
I wonder if it is heat-sensitive; the 8=ball has been sitting near my TV, VCR or DVD player for the most part.
What is that stuff, anyway?
It also seems that, somehow, some evaporation has taken place, since more of the die is revealed.
I need to look into this. Seriously. Cause I don't have enough to do.
Also, a Magic 8 Ball would make a swell non-Valentine's Day gift. Just saying.
2/3/06
In other news,
- I can, do, and will play the flute. Perhaps you will see me play in public, soon!
- Upon mentioning this skill, even the most dignified and mature among us have to make a prurient joke about 'playing the flute.' Ha ha, indeed.
- Minute Maid Light Limeade is not only delightful, it is bilingually packaged.
- Soon I will be operating a comedy room of my own. It will have a snappy name.
- Not all stretchy black tank tops are created equal. They are all, however, sexy.
- I ordered a smart gold dress in the mail, along with two tiny pairs of sleeves to 'go with.' One is definitely faux furry. The other, supposedly, is real furry? But it is ridiculously cheap, so I shudder to think from whence it came. I refuse to believe it is actual furry, and am thus convinced it is merely plush.
- This is because in several weeks, I am attending an afternoon wedding in a castle in Long Island. Did you know there were castles in Long Island?
- I have not filled out my calendar for February yet. This is problematic for several reasons.
- Vacuuming and mopping have not occurred yet. This is also problematic.
Right now I am composing an email about my new comedy room and sipping limeade while wearing a smart black tank top.
- Upon mentioning this skill, even the most dignified and mature among us have to make a prurient joke about 'playing the flute.' Ha ha, indeed.
- Minute Maid Light Limeade is not only delightful, it is bilingually packaged.
- Soon I will be operating a comedy room of my own. It will have a snappy name.
- Not all stretchy black tank tops are created equal. They are all, however, sexy.
- I ordered a smart gold dress in the mail, along with two tiny pairs of sleeves to 'go with.' One is definitely faux furry. The other, supposedly, is real furry? But it is ridiculously cheap, so I shudder to think from whence it came. I refuse to believe it is actual furry, and am thus convinced it is merely plush.
- This is because in several weeks, I am attending an afternoon wedding in a castle in Long Island. Did you know there were castles in Long Island?
- I have not filled out my calendar for February yet. This is problematic for several reasons.
- Vacuuming and mopping have not occurred yet. This is also problematic.
Right now I am composing an email about my new comedy room and sipping limeade while wearing a smart black tank top.
I've got this and YOU don't, mortals.
Sweet!
Thanks lots to my good-friends-in-high-places-who-shall-remain-nameless.
Mortals can order it here.
1/31/06
Song du Jour. Desperately Seeking Seymour*
"Somewhere that's Green" - Little Shop of Horrors (original cast album)
I know Seymour's the greatest
But I'm dating a semi-sadist
So I've got a black eye
And my arm's in a cast.
Still, that Seymour's a cutie
Well, if not, he's got inner beauty
And I dream of a place
Where we could be together at last
A matchbox of our own
A fence of real chain link,
A grill out on the patio
Disposal in the sink
A washer and a dryer and an ironing machine
In a tract house that we share
Somewhere that's green.
He rakes and trims the grass
He loves to mow and weed
I cook like Betty Crocker
And I look like Donna Reed
There's plastic on the furniture
To keep it neat and clean
In the Pine-Sol scented air
Somewhere that's green
Between our frozen dinner
And our bedtime, nine-fifteen
We snuggle watchin' Lucy
On our big, enormous twelve-inch screen
I'm his December Bride
He's Father, he Knows Best
Our kids play Howdy Doody
As the sun sets in the west
A picture out of Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Far from Skid Row
I dream we'll go
somewhere that's green.
*Not really desperate at all. Just liked the turn of phrase.
Other trivia:
I signed on to accompany this musical in college on keyboards, but the band got cut at the last minute cause the singers couldn't be heard. Bah.
In the cast album, it was 'play Howdy Doody' and in the movie it was 'watch Howdy Doody.'
I know Seymour's the greatest
But I'm dating a semi-sadist
So I've got a black eye
And my arm's in a cast.
Still, that Seymour's a cutie
Well, if not, he's got inner beauty
And I dream of a place
Where we could be together at last
A matchbox of our own
A fence of real chain link,
A grill out on the patio
Disposal in the sink
A washer and a dryer and an ironing machine
In a tract house that we share
Somewhere that's green.
He rakes and trims the grass
He loves to mow and weed
I cook like Betty Crocker
And I look like Donna Reed
There's plastic on the furniture
To keep it neat and clean
In the Pine-Sol scented air
Somewhere that's green
Between our frozen dinner
And our bedtime, nine-fifteen
We snuggle watchin' Lucy
On our big, enormous twelve-inch screen
I'm his December Bride
He's Father, he Knows Best
Our kids play Howdy Doody
As the sun sets in the west
A picture out of Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Far from Skid Row
I dream we'll go
somewhere that's green.
*Not really desperate at all. Just liked the turn of phrase.
Other trivia:
I signed on to accompany this musical in college on keyboards, but the band got cut at the last minute cause the singers couldn't be heard. Bah.
In the cast album, it was 'play Howdy Doody' and in the movie it was 'watch Howdy Doody.'
1/29/06
Smooth...creamy...ummm.....
Silly, but not for the faint of heart.
So, I'm at my local, slightly pricier than Duane Reade pharmacy, and I'm in need of shower gel. I spot a rather large bottle of "Skin Milk," slightly fancy, but not much pricier than that overscented cheapish "Swiss Formula" crap I get at the DR in bulk. It's clean white, has a fresh sugary-vanilla scent, and comes in an aesthetically pleasing pump bottle. Lovely. I grab it without thinking further, along with some trash bags, some random shampoo and Synthroid, and head cheerily home.
I use the stuff for a few days. It's moderately lathery, requiring a few more pumps on the old shower puff than I'd like, but not as bad as some pricey tiny bottle of English crap that is lovely and soft and rosey but basically lasts four showers and costs ten bucks. Keep in mind, I am nearly stone blind in the shower without contacts. It's not too harsh on my winter-dry-chloriney skin, and it smells pretty without being perfumey.
But, one day, after some energetic, rushed pumping, I notice the splatter on the wall. And, suspiciously, look closely, squinting, at the opaque white drizzle on my shower puff, before vigorously squeezing it into lather-oblivion. And then, horrified, I realize...
This stuff looks like ejaculate. But exactly.
I've been soaping up every day with porno-pudding. Man-juice. Splooge. If I had a Dirty Sketch to compose, I wouldn't need to mix up fancy frosting or thinnish cornstarch paste, because Here it Is. Come in a Drum.
If I were that Sort of Girl, I'd do something whacky with Skin Milk and my digital camera. But I'm a Lady.
Splooge. I shouwer with scented, foaming splooge.
And I've got at least eighteen ounces left.
So, I'm at my local, slightly pricier than Duane Reade pharmacy, and I'm in need of shower gel. I spot a rather large bottle of "Skin Milk," slightly fancy, but not much pricier than that overscented cheapish "Swiss Formula" crap I get at the DR in bulk. It's clean white, has a fresh sugary-vanilla scent, and comes in an aesthetically pleasing pump bottle. Lovely. I grab it without thinking further, along with some trash bags, some random shampoo and Synthroid, and head cheerily home.
I use the stuff for a few days. It's moderately lathery, requiring a few more pumps on the old shower puff than I'd like, but not as bad as some pricey tiny bottle of English crap that is lovely and soft and rosey but basically lasts four showers and costs ten bucks. Keep in mind, I am nearly stone blind in the shower without contacts. It's not too harsh on my winter-dry-chloriney skin, and it smells pretty without being perfumey.
But, one day, after some energetic, rushed pumping, I notice the splatter on the wall. And, suspiciously, look closely, squinting, at the opaque white drizzle on my shower puff, before vigorously squeezing it into lather-oblivion. And then, horrified, I realize...
This stuff looks like ejaculate. But exactly.
I've been soaping up every day with porno-pudding. Man-juice. Splooge. If I had a Dirty Sketch to compose, I wouldn't need to mix up fancy frosting or thinnish cornstarch paste, because Here it Is. Come in a Drum.
If I were that Sort of Girl, I'd do something whacky with Skin Milk and my digital camera. But I'm a Lady.
Splooge. I shouwer with scented, foaming splooge.
And I've got at least eighteen ounces left.
1/28/06
Blog Plugs
People do this, right?
Sunday 1/29
Ampersand - 2 person improv
"early bird special" w/Marian Rosin. Appearing with "dirt dawgs" (Kevin Hines & Dave Lombard) and Warth & Todd (Dave Warth & Betsy Todd)
8 PM
Magnet Theater (29th between 7th and 8th)
$5
Tuesday 1/31
Laugh Lounge Stand Up - Hosted by Chris Griggs, Featuring Jodi Wasserman, Frank Vignola, a bunch of other funny people, and me.
151 Essex Street
830 PM
$12 + 2 drink minimum. BUT if you call/email me I will waive the cover charge! I am mad, mad with power I tell you!
Sunday 1/29
Ampersand - 2 person improv
"early bird special" w/Marian Rosin. Appearing with "dirt dawgs" (Kevin Hines & Dave Lombard) and Warth & Todd (Dave Warth & Betsy Todd)
8 PM
Magnet Theater (29th between 7th and 8th)
$5
Tuesday 1/31
Laugh Lounge Stand Up - Hosted by Chris Griggs, Featuring Jodi Wasserman, Frank Vignola, a bunch of other funny people, and me.
151 Essex Street
830 PM
$12 + 2 drink minimum. BUT if you call/email me I will waive the cover charge! I am mad, mad with power I tell you!
1/26/06
Ever so charming!
How could I have forgotten this?
I may post this on Missed Connections:
"Monday night, in a cab on Sixth Avenue. You were puking out the window in the cab next to mine, and my cab was passing yours, but you kept catching up. You kept puking. I felt bad for you. Then, you looked up and smiled at me, sticking your tongue out in such a charming way. Look, No Puke! What a cutie! I was thinking, boy, seven o'clock is so early to be that shit-faced, but maybe it was food poisoning or something. Hope the train ride back to Jersey was swell!"
He was kinda cute. The puke clung to the cab. The driver's face, impassive.
I heart New York. I wished I'd have taken a picture for someone's New York photo blog.
I may post this on Missed Connections:
"Monday night, in a cab on Sixth Avenue. You were puking out the window in the cab next to mine, and my cab was passing yours, but you kept catching up. You kept puking. I felt bad for you. Then, you looked up and smiled at me, sticking your tongue out in such a charming way. Look, No Puke! What a cutie! I was thinking, boy, seven o'clock is so early to be that shit-faced, but maybe it was food poisoning or something. Hope the train ride back to Jersey was swell!"
He was kinda cute. The puke clung to the cab. The driver's face, impassive.
I heart New York. I wished I'd have taken a picture for someone's New York photo blog.
1/25/06
RIP Barrymore's
This unassuming pubby-type place on 45th and 8th was where my buddy Jessica and I would go, pre or post theater, to grab a drink (or a few), or some food (or not), and see major or minor celebrities (the cast of the Producers sans headliners, Jon Lovitz and Larry Miller looking morose during their play's run). It was where I defaulted to when I had to meet a friend in the west/midtown/theater area, that wasn't wretchedly overpriced, touristy and lame.
Closing at the end of the month, its building is owned by the Shubert organization and not stating any explicit reasons why. Probably to make a boatload installing some TJ O'Pootertoots or something hideous. I don't know if the building is staying or going. I don't care. I loved the waitrons and the atmosphere; hell, I used to fucking smoke there, it's been that long.
Playwright's Tavern can suck it. I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm just bummed. Like the email I just got a few minutes ago, "noooooo!"
Fuckers.
1/24/06
Sleeping-in dreams
So I was 'working' in an ER (passing myself off as a med student), but the doctors were Anthony Edwards and George Clooney. And the outfits (I shit you not) were by Project Runway. And I'm not sure they were really working as doctors, or just 'consulting' cause they were lying on gurneys most of the time, looking superhot and dispensing sage wisdom about differential diagnosis. I think we all knew we were frauds, somehow, yet not.
Outside the hospital window there was a circus fight. Two clowns on stilts really got into it. There was collateral damage. Fortunately, the trapeze woman was actually an intern. George cuddled one of the circus clown kids and checked him for head injury, but I think he may have been retarded. I asked him lots of questions about differential diagnosis, which he answered sagely.
I crawled into bed with Anthony Edwards who mumbled that he was going to London, but wouldn't take me with him. He wanted me to help find someone to write an Agatha-Christie-type mystery novel for him - someone who knew England, mysteries, writing and medicine - but somehow I wasn't suitable. I almost told him to fuck off, but swallowed my pride and proposed slightly unsuitable candidates.
I went back to the ER, but curiously, it was a large guest house at that point. Everyone was asleep and I watched people's cell phones ring, and tried to hand them to people I kind of knew from different walks of life.
A friend left his cell phone at my house. It was a garish girly pink brick that I didn't remember but I knew was his. I called and said I had his ridiculous pink cell phone, and that I was keeping it; he had already replaced it somehow, and was cooking stirfry with his girlfriend, he had to whisper. I hung up.
I was forced to make an outfit out of orange and brown stretch fabric. I kept cutting the orange fabric into large rough squares. A couple of Project Runway like designers kept coming over and pointing at drawings of neckline ruffles, hopefully, and looking up at me.
Outside the hospital window there was a circus fight. Two clowns on stilts really got into it. There was collateral damage. Fortunately, the trapeze woman was actually an intern. George cuddled one of the circus clown kids and checked him for head injury, but I think he may have been retarded. I asked him lots of questions about differential diagnosis, which he answered sagely.
I crawled into bed with Anthony Edwards who mumbled that he was going to London, but wouldn't take me with him. He wanted me to help find someone to write an Agatha-Christie-type mystery novel for him - someone who knew England, mysteries, writing and medicine - but somehow I wasn't suitable. I almost told him to fuck off, but swallowed my pride and proposed slightly unsuitable candidates.
I went back to the ER, but curiously, it was a large guest house at that point. Everyone was asleep and I watched people's cell phones ring, and tried to hand them to people I kind of knew from different walks of life.
A friend left his cell phone at my house. It was a garish girly pink brick that I didn't remember but I knew was his. I called and said I had his ridiculous pink cell phone, and that I was keeping it; he had already replaced it somehow, and was cooking stirfry with his girlfriend, he had to whisper. I hung up.
I was forced to make an outfit out of orange and brown stretch fabric. I kept cutting the orange fabric into large rough squares. A couple of Project Runway like designers kept coming over and pointing at drawings of neckline ruffles, hopefully, and looking up at me.
Whiskey, 300 AM
Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion -
Is nothing new
Flashback - warm nights -
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after -
Sometimes you picture me -
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said -
Then you say - go slow -
I fall behind -
The second hand unwinds
If you're lost you can look - and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting
Time after time
After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows - you're wondering
If I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time -
If you're lost you can look - and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting
Time after time
You said go slow -
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds -
If you're lost you can look - and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting
Time after time
...Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
******
You know why I keep posting song lyrics?
*******
You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small
But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there
And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
***********
Cause I really don't want to talk about it.
***********
Swaying room as the music starts
Strangers making the most of the dark
Two by two their bodies become one
I see you through the smokey air
Can't you feel the weight of my stare
You're so close but still a world away
What I'm dying to say, is that
I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
I'm crazy for you, crazy for you
Trying hard to control my heart
I walk over to where you are
Eye to eye we need no words at all
Slowly now we begin to move
Every breath I'm deeper into you
Soon we to are standing still in time
If you read my mind, you'll see
I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
I'ts all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
You'll feel it in my kiss because
I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
Its all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
im crazy for you,
crazy for you
crazy for you
crazy for you
its all brand new, im crazy for you
and you know its true, im crazy, crazy for you
its all brand new, im crazy for you
and you know its true, yeah, Im crazy for you
Crazy for you baby
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion -
Is nothing new
Flashback - warm nights -
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after -
Sometimes you picture me -
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said -
Then you say - go slow -
I fall behind -
The second hand unwinds
If you're lost you can look - and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting
Time after time
After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows - you're wondering
If I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time -
If you're lost you can look - and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting
Time after time
You said go slow -
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds -
If you're lost you can look - and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting
Time after time
...Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
******
You know why I keep posting song lyrics?
*******
You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small
But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there
And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
***********
Cause I really don't want to talk about it.
***********
Swaying room as the music starts
Strangers making the most of the dark
Two by two their bodies become one
I see you through the smokey air
Can't you feel the weight of my stare
You're so close but still a world away
What I'm dying to say, is that
I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
I'm crazy for you, crazy for you
Trying hard to control my heart
I walk over to where you are
Eye to eye we need no words at all
Slowly now we begin to move
Every breath I'm deeper into you
Soon we to are standing still in time
If you read my mind, you'll see
I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
I'ts all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
You'll feel it in my kiss because
I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
Its all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
im crazy for you,
crazy for you
crazy for you
crazy for you
its all brand new, im crazy for you
and you know its true, im crazy, crazy for you
its all brand new, im crazy for you
and you know its true, yeah, Im crazy for you
Crazy for you baby
1/21/06
Haunting.
Thru And Thru - Rolling Stones
You know that we do take away
We deliver too
Open 24 hours babe
Just waiting on a call from you
Waiting on a call from you
Well I'm in the yellow pages
You just take a look
Look me up under services
You know it's just an open book
Babe it's just an open book
It's just an open book
Well baby
Any minute, any hour
I'm waiting on a call from you
And you know this heart is constant
I'm your lover, baby
Thru and thru
Lover, baby, thru and thru
I only found out yesterday
I heard it on the news
What I heard really pissed me off
Cause now I got those fucking blues
I got those awesome blues
Babe I got those nothing blues
Any minute, any hour
I'm waiting on a call from you
And you know this heart is constant
I'm your lover, baby
Thru and thru
Lover, baby, thru and thru
You know that we do take-away
That we deliver, too
We're open 24 hours, baby
We're waiting on a call from you
But any minute, baby, any hour
I'm waiting on a call from you
You know that this heart is constant
I'm your lover, baby
Thru and thru
Lover, baby, thru and thru
Lover, baby, thru and thru
Lover, baby, thru and thru
You know that we do take away
We deliver too
Open 24 hours babe
Just waiting on a call from you
Waiting on a call from you
Well I'm in the yellow pages
You just take a look
Look me up under services
You know it's just an open book
Babe it's just an open book
It's just an open book
Well baby
Any minute, any hour
I'm waiting on a call from you
And you know this heart is constant
I'm your lover, baby
Thru and thru
Lover, baby, thru and thru
I only found out yesterday
I heard it on the news
What I heard really pissed me off
Cause now I got those fucking blues
I got those awesome blues
Babe I got those nothing blues
Any minute, any hour
I'm waiting on a call from you
And you know this heart is constant
I'm your lover, baby
Thru and thru
Lover, baby, thru and thru
You know that we do take-away
That we deliver, too
We're open 24 hours, baby
We're waiting on a call from you
But any minute, baby, any hour
I'm waiting on a call from you
You know that this heart is constant
I'm your lover, baby
Thru and thru
Lover, baby, thru and thru
Lover, baby, thru and thru
Lover, baby, thru and thru
1/18/06
Digital Cable, thou hast undone me.
If you're at all low in the mind, try not watching this particular late-night maudlin-cable-trifecta:
Harold & Maude
Spanking the Monkey
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
with a side order of:
Celebrity Poker Showdown.
Harold & Maude
Spanking the Monkey
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
with a side order of:
Celebrity Poker Showdown.
1/16/06
Stolen from my emails, bitch.
Fascinating, no? Yes. See how it works for you. I'm still chewing on it myself, actually.
"here's an old allegory, either Native American or Lebanese -- I've
heard it both ways -- about a frog and a scorpion. You familiar with
it? The frog is about to swim across the river and a scorpion stops
her and asks for a ride to the other bank. "No, I can't," says the
frog. "If I let you climb on my back, you'll sting me."
"That's ridiculous," says the scorpion. "If I did that, we'd both drown."
Convinced, the frog let's the scorpion climb on her back and, right
when they get to the deepest part of the river, the scorpion plunges
his stinger into the frog's neck.
"How could you do that?" cries the frog, as the poison begins to take
hold and the pair starts sinking.
The scorpion shrugs and says, "You knew I was a scorpion, bitch.""
"here's an old allegory, either Native American or Lebanese -- I've
heard it both ways -- about a frog and a scorpion. You familiar with
it? The frog is about to swim across the river and a scorpion stops
her and asks for a ride to the other bank. "No, I can't," says the
frog. "If I let you climb on my back, you'll sting me."
"That's ridiculous," says the scorpion. "If I did that, we'd both drown."
Convinced, the frog let's the scorpion climb on her back and, right
when they get to the deepest part of the river, the scorpion plunges
his stinger into the frog's neck.
"How could you do that?" cries the frog, as the poison begins to take
hold and the pair starts sinking.
The scorpion shrugs and says, "You knew I was a scorpion, bitch.""
1/14/06
For the aging seafood lover in you
I didn't feel old on my own birthday.
But my baby brother is THIRTY-FIVE (35).
ouch.
If i had a fancy scanner, I'd put in some adorable kiddy pictures of us as completely non-resembling non-combative little siblings. But now he's a working man, married man, dad of a sweet comical three-year-old. But to me, he's still that kid....insert your childhood cliches here.
THIRTY FIVE. I nearly puked up my viciously awful Red Lobster dinner. (not like that wasn't impending. I'm still digesting that meal. Oh but those 'cheese' biscuits...oily amalgams of salt, flour, vaguely greenish vegetal flecks of what I hope was parsley, some kinda cheese product, some kinda fat product, and more salt. Yum! I had about five, cause my 'stuffed flounder' was a strangely layered flatfish covering a pasty licorice-tasting pile of mock-crab-laced library paste, next to an overbuttered-and-creamed and twice-nuked baked potato. The artichoke dip was nuclear hot and laced with pink seafood surprise. So, my dinner consisted of a desultory tossed salad, no dressing, about five tentative bites of this fish surprise, a couple of my brothers' shrimp and soaking wet king crab legs, and far too many cheese biscuits. And a monstrous iced tea.)
I want a recipe for those biscuits. I think they're laced with crack. Salty, greenish crack.
But my baby brother is THIRTY-FIVE (35).
ouch.
If i had a fancy scanner, I'd put in some adorable kiddy pictures of us as completely non-resembling non-combative little siblings. But now he's a working man, married man, dad of a sweet comical three-year-old. But to me, he's still that kid....insert your childhood cliches here.
THIRTY FIVE. I nearly puked up my viciously awful Red Lobster dinner. (not like that wasn't impending. I'm still digesting that meal. Oh but those 'cheese' biscuits...oily amalgams of salt, flour, vaguely greenish vegetal flecks of what I hope was parsley, some kinda cheese product, some kinda fat product, and more salt. Yum! I had about five, cause my 'stuffed flounder' was a strangely layered flatfish covering a pasty licorice-tasting pile of mock-crab-laced library paste, next to an overbuttered-and-creamed and twice-nuked baked potato. The artichoke dip was nuclear hot and laced with pink seafood surprise. So, my dinner consisted of a desultory tossed salad, no dressing, about five tentative bites of this fish surprise, a couple of my brothers' shrimp and soaking wet king crab legs, and far too many cheese biscuits. And a monstrous iced tea.)
I want a recipe for those biscuits. I think they're laced with crack. Salty, greenish crack.
1/13/06
Stay gold, Ponyboy.
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay
- Robert Frost
...or, "The Outsiders" if you take your pop culture 80s style.
Now that's deep.
Because it's true.
Stay gold.
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay
- Robert Frost
...or, "The Outsiders" if you take your pop culture 80s style.
Now that's deep.
Because it's true.
Stay gold.
1/12/06
I loves me some G-Mail ads
Ads found next to a raging argument conducted via G-mail today:
"A Positive Attitude is Everything.....ThinkTQ.com"
"Daily Thoughts for Women.....www.medidationsforwomen.com"
"Get 105 Positive Thoughts.....www.sunnythoughts.com"
"Positive Thoughts?.....www.icreatereality.com"
When someone, somewhere, out there, tells you to f**k off, G-mail is there for you. Thanks, G-Mail!
"A Positive Attitude is Everything.....ThinkTQ.com"
"Daily Thoughts for Women.....www.medidationsforwomen.com"
"Get 105 Positive Thoughts.....www.sunnythoughts.com"
"Positive Thoughts?.....www.icreatereality.com"
When someone, somewhere, out there, tells you to f**k off, G-mail is there for you. Thanks, G-Mail!
"That's not a hand, that's a height"
- Penn Jillette, folding a 6-4 offsuit.
This has gotta be the most smokin' and interesting Celebrity Poker Showdown table ever.
Ever.
Jeff Gordon. Sure, NASCAR dorky on the outside, but a total devil.
Kathy Griffin. Stealth, surprisingly.
Ron Livingston. Quietly hot. Remember The Cooler?
Penn Jillette. Loudly, dorkily hot. Like I believe he's never played before.
Angie Dickinson. Classic hot and a killer player.
Man.
I want to play more poker in 2006.
This has gotta be the most smokin' and interesting Celebrity Poker Showdown table ever.
Ever.
Jeff Gordon. Sure, NASCAR dorky on the outside, but a total devil.
Kathy Griffin. Stealth, surprisingly.
Ron Livingston. Quietly hot. Remember The Cooler?
Penn Jillette. Loudly, dorkily hot. Like I believe he's never played before.
Angie Dickinson. Classic hot and a killer player.
Man.
I want to play more poker in 2006.
1/11/06
Eternal Question #37 and commentary track.
With all the suffering in the world, and the pain in ones' soul, and the trying times of ones' loved ones....
why must one spend one's therapy time talking about boys?
Boys.
I curse you, IM! For planting the seeds via an especially delightful conversation about boys, no doubt.
Boys.
Aren't I a little old to refer to them as boys?
Well, no.
Boys. What's the matter with boys today? (In the style of Bye Bye Birdie.)
When I was about five, I developed a huge crush on Paul Lynde. Go figure. How sophisticated!
why must one spend one's therapy time talking about boys?
Boys.
I curse you, IM! For planting the seeds via an especially delightful conversation about boys, no doubt.
Boys.
Aren't I a little old to refer to them as boys?
Well, no.
Boys. What's the matter with boys today? (In the style of Bye Bye Birdie.)
When I was about five, I developed a huge crush on Paul Lynde. Go figure. How sophisticated!
1/9/06
1/4/06
Billy Fucking Joel
Did you see him on Conan tonight?
Man, that guy's been through hell. Make fun of him from being from Long Island, the Christie thing, the poppy-cheesy stuff, the car-crashing nightmares. Whatever.
But he can play. He can sing. And he can write a fucking song.
It's amazing when you've followed someone from the beginning of their career to their later year, singing a song they sang so many years ago. And what the fuck does that song mean now?
His voice is deeper, more careful, more controlled, almost angrier. Controlled and deep and carrying a different sort of intensity.
He's thinner, balder, but definitely intense.
Try listening to "Everybody Loves you Now" sung from the fiftysomething perspective, rather than the twentysomething perspective, and you won't be the same for it.
This was the second song:
Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me why
Are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you
Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right
You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you
Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you.
But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
Why don't you realize...Vienna waits for you
When will you realize..Vienna waits for you
I don't have that many childhood heroes.
Man, that guy's been through hell. Make fun of him from being from Long Island, the Christie thing, the poppy-cheesy stuff, the car-crashing nightmares. Whatever.
But he can play. He can sing. And he can write a fucking song.
It's amazing when you've followed someone from the beginning of their career to their later year, singing a song they sang so many years ago. And what the fuck does that song mean now?
His voice is deeper, more careful, more controlled, almost angrier. Controlled and deep and carrying a different sort of intensity.
He's thinner, balder, but definitely intense.
Try listening to "Everybody Loves you Now" sung from the fiftysomething perspective, rather than the twentysomething perspective, and you won't be the same for it.
This was the second song:
Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me why
Are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you
Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right
You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you
Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you.
But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
Why don't you realize...Vienna waits for you
When will you realize..Vienna waits for you
I don't have that many childhood heroes.
On demand, oh on demand.....
For my money, you can't find a better-written series than "Oz." Once you get past all the killin', rapin', assaultin', druggin', man-butts and such.
Seriously, amazing narratives. One tends to forget that.
FYI, Christopher Meloni appears in the latter part of Season 2, for man-butt-watchers.
Seriously, amazing narratives. One tends to forget that.
FYI, Christopher Meloni appears in the latter part of Season 2, for man-butt-watchers.
1/2/06
So far...(FIRST BAD HAIKU OF 2006)
throat closed, ears burning.
Cannot swallow a darn thing.
(insert cheap joke here).
Cannot swallow a darn thing.
(insert cheap joke here).
12/30/05
12/28/05
Snort.
Having someone tell you that you are incredibly hot is the best appetite suppressant of them all. Not to mention reason to keep your laundry done.
I won't get into random leg hair issues, et al. This is a family blog, after all.
I won't get into random leg hair issues, et al. This is a family blog, after all.
12/24/05
I'm so glad we've had this time together....
Does anyone remember "The Carol Burnett Show?"
This is the sketch comedy I was raised on, with a TV in my room, no less, staying up late on Saturday nights when I was a kid.
These writers and actors were amazing. (Barry Levinson, by the way, was a writer, according to imdb. Did I mention I love imdb? carry on.)
Does anyone know who the fuck could write, act or even put up the Tim Conway Hitler puppet sketch on TV today? Actually before they put that one up on the highlights show, they mentioned that "you never knew what Tim was gonna do next." So I wonder how much of that show was improvised, in the end.
Okay, sometimes the parodies were a little cheesy, but the ones that hit - Love Story, Sunset Boulevard, Gone with the Wind - were classic.
And Harvey Korman breaking up - insanity. The Novocain sketch? Amazing.
I just imdb'd it - it was on from 1967-78. Wow. Since I was born. Tim Conway wasn't on till 1975 - damn. I do remember the show slightly before him.
Yeah, this was a highlights show, so of course it's just the good stuff, but damn...that was good stuff.
SORRY! SORRY!
It also reminded me, a bit sadly, of my fabulous childhood friend Rob, a pal and worthy teasing adversary since kindergarden through high school, who passed on (the word was) of AIDS in the late 80s. He came one year to the high school Halloween party/dance dressed as Norma Desmond. Complete with rhinestones, black dress, hat, heels, and swinging-tennisball boobs.
Fabulous. So very fabulous. (The next year he came as the Pope. I've got the photos).
MAX! MAX! Yes, Mzzz Desmond?
Hilarity. Joy. This women rocked it hard. (And was swell enough to have a gender-balanced cast. You go, Carol! Wow.)
Mad respect.
This is the sketch comedy I was raised on, with a TV in my room, no less, staying up late on Saturday nights when I was a kid.
These writers and actors were amazing. (Barry Levinson, by the way, was a writer, according to imdb. Did I mention I love imdb? carry on.)
Does anyone know who the fuck could write, act or even put up the Tim Conway Hitler puppet sketch on TV today? Actually before they put that one up on the highlights show, they mentioned that "you never knew what Tim was gonna do next." So I wonder how much of that show was improvised, in the end.
Okay, sometimes the parodies were a little cheesy, but the ones that hit - Love Story, Sunset Boulevard, Gone with the Wind - were classic.
And Harvey Korman breaking up - insanity. The Novocain sketch? Amazing.
I just imdb'd it - it was on from 1967-78. Wow. Since I was born. Tim Conway wasn't on till 1975 - damn. I do remember the show slightly before him.
Yeah, this was a highlights show, so of course it's just the good stuff, but damn...that was good stuff.
SORRY! SORRY!
It also reminded me, a bit sadly, of my fabulous childhood friend Rob, a pal and worthy teasing adversary since kindergarden through high school, who passed on (the word was) of AIDS in the late 80s. He came one year to the high school Halloween party/dance dressed as Norma Desmond. Complete with rhinestones, black dress, hat, heels, and swinging-tennisball boobs.
Fabulous. So very fabulous. (The next year he came as the Pope. I've got the photos).
MAX! MAX! Yes, Mzzz Desmond?
Hilarity. Joy. This women rocked it hard. (And was swell enough to have a gender-balanced cast. You go, Carol! Wow.)
Mad respect.
The cab scene from "Before Sunset"
script-o-rama
You told him where you are and all that?
Oui, oui, yeah.
- So, he knows where he's going?
- Yes.
Let's hope he does. Now, this is better than Metro, right?
Definitely!
I was thinking...For me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.
Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's...
never around? Yes, obviously, I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I'm like suffocating!
No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved...
Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster...I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone...it's better than... sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way, and, after you've been screwed over a few times...You... you forget about all your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true, I haven't been...screwed over, I've just had too many...bla relationship. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but...they were no real...connection, or excitement. At least, not from my side.
God, I'm sorry, is it...Is it really that bad?
It's not, right? You know...it's not even that, I was...I was fine. Until I read your fucking book!
It stirred shit out from you,
It reminded me how...genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things and...now it's like... I don't believe in anything that relates to love, I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way... I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again. Like...somehow this night took things away from me and...I expressed them to you and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!
I... I don't believe that. I don't believe that.
You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny...Every single of my ex-es...they're now married! Man go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and... that I taught them to care and respect women!
I think I'm one of those guys.
You know, I want to kill them! Why didn't they ask me to marry them? I would have said "No", but at least they could have asked!!! But it's my fault, I know that it's my fault, because...I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd, the idea that we can only be complete with another person is... EVIL! Right?
Can I talk?
You know, I guess I've been heart broken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, form the starts, I make no effort. Because I know exactly what hap...
You can't do that. You can't do that, you can't live your life trying to avoid pain, at the expense of en...
Ok, you know what? Loose our words! I've gotta... I've gotta get away from you...Stop the car, I want to get out!
No, no, no, don't... don't get out...
- You know, it's being around you...
- Keep talking...
Don't touch me!
- You know, I wanna get on a cab...
- Monsieur..Monsieur, aretes vous!
You told him where you are and all that?
Oui, oui, yeah.
- So, he knows where he's going?
- Yes.
Let's hope he does. Now, this is better than Metro, right?
Definitely!
I was thinking...For me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.
Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's...
never around? Yes, obviously, I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I'm like suffocating!
No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved...
Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster...I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone...it's better than... sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way, and, after you've been screwed over a few times...You... you forget about all your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true, I haven't been...screwed over, I've just had too many...bla relationship. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but...they were no real...connection, or excitement. At least, not from my side.
God, I'm sorry, is it...Is it really that bad?
It's not, right? You know...it's not even that, I was...I was fine. Until I read your fucking book!
It stirred shit out from you,
It reminded me how...genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things and...now it's like... I don't believe in anything that relates to love, I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way... I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again. Like...somehow this night took things away from me and...I expressed them to you and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!
I... I don't believe that. I don't believe that.
You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny...Every single of my ex-es...they're now married! Man go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and... that I taught them to care and respect women!
I think I'm one of those guys.
You know, I want to kill them! Why didn't they ask me to marry them? I would have said "No", but at least they could have asked!!! But it's my fault, I know that it's my fault, because...I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd, the idea that we can only be complete with another person is... EVIL! Right?
Can I talk?
You know, I guess I've been heart broken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, form the starts, I make no effort. Because I know exactly what hap...
You can't do that. You can't do that, you can't live your life trying to avoid pain, at the expense of en...
Ok, you know what? Loose our words! I've gotta... I've gotta get away from you...Stop the car, I want to get out!
No, no, no, don't... don't get out...
- You know, it's being around you...
- Keep talking...
Don't touch me!
- You know, I wanna get on a cab...
- Monsieur..Monsieur, aretes vous!
12/23/05
From the "Collected First Lines v. 23"
"You do realize, darling, that holiday suicides are such a cliche," she murmured, disapprovingly, blowing a slender ring of smoke and reaching her well-manicured hand into a cut-glass bowl of mixed nuts. "Why, if you must off yourself, darling, can't you just wait until dreary old February?"
12/20/05
12/16/05
Es la ley.
I love courthouses.
So I go to the clerk's office to file papers today at 60 Centre, the one with the giant marble steps downtown. One of them, I was thinking of other things and I ambled up the steps of 40 Centre, the Federal courthouse instead. Felt like an extra on "Law and Order: Head up the Ass."
Ever been to the Clerk's Office at 60 Centre? It's a wonder of dusty poorly-lit joy. Chipped counters! Men in short-sleeved dress shirts, giving you the silently disapproving clerky eye! ("The stamp is right there, ma'am...) And, oh, the arcana - Giant dusty ledgers! An odd array of purposes (Changing your name? Filing multimillion dollar lawsuits? Come on down!) Peeling auction notices! Although the interesting thing is, some are fairly recent, and sad, but useful in a maudlin way. I wonder if I could've picked up that uptown co-op for an actual, mere, $4,725 (the foreclosure amount.) Damn! If it were only March 25, 2005.
And the Speed Pass rocks. No metal detectors, no searches. No cell phone check. Next time, I'm bringing silverware. Spoons!
So I go to the clerk's office to file papers today at 60 Centre, the one with the giant marble steps downtown. One of them, I was thinking of other things and I ambled up the steps of 40 Centre, the Federal courthouse instead. Felt like an extra on "Law and Order: Head up the Ass."
Ever been to the Clerk's Office at 60 Centre? It's a wonder of dusty poorly-lit joy. Chipped counters! Men in short-sleeved dress shirts, giving you the silently disapproving clerky eye! ("The stamp is right there, ma'am...) And, oh, the arcana - Giant dusty ledgers! An odd array of purposes (Changing your name? Filing multimillion dollar lawsuits? Come on down!) Peeling auction notices! Although the interesting thing is, some are fairly recent, and sad, but useful in a maudlin way. I wonder if I could've picked up that uptown co-op for an actual, mere, $4,725 (the foreclosure amount.) Damn! If it were only March 25, 2005.
And the Speed Pass rocks. No metal detectors, no searches. No cell phone check. Next time, I'm bringing silverware. Spoons!
12/14/05
And, oh yeah, he cooks.
Anthony Bourdain. Damn.
Tall. Wiry. Strong-featured. Smokes. Wears lots of black. Deeply sarcastic. Not without a ridiculously sensitive side. Kinda likes guns (read the book).
Just woke up weirdly on the couch to "A Cook's Tour" at the Mall of America. Goddamn hilarious watching him completely repulsed by fried batter-dipped cheesecake on a stick.
Oh, also unavailable. Not sure if that increases or decreases his considerable charms.
Sigh. My celebrity crushes are specific and weird.
Tall. Wiry. Strong-featured. Smokes. Wears lots of black. Deeply sarcastic. Not without a ridiculously sensitive side. Kinda likes guns (read the book).
Just woke up weirdly on the couch to "A Cook's Tour" at the Mall of America. Goddamn hilarious watching him completely repulsed by fried batter-dipped cheesecake on a stick.
Oh, also unavailable. Not sure if that increases or decreases his considerable charms.
Sigh. My celebrity crushes are specific and weird.
12/13/05
Please, read this.
If you think you have problems it will make you shut the eff up.
This is a friend who is terribly ill. But continues to kick ass.
Deb's blog
This is a friend who is terribly ill. But continues to kick ass.
Deb's blog
Derivative journal quiz time-killer
Stolen from Sam, stolen from Kristina, stolen from Dunford:
1. Spell your first name backwards: ellehciM
2. Story behind your journal name: It's a variant of a phrase that my friend Janet and I developed to describe something quite different. In other words, a long complicated private joke that means nothing to you.
3. How old are you: 38
4. Where do you live: NY, NY
DESCRIBE YOUR:
5. Wallet: Black Fossil leather checkbook wallet, stuffed with business cards, receipts, courtesy cards but rarely money which usually goes in my pockets.
7. Toothbrush: Gray and black Crest bendy ergonomic one. I should get a new one
8. Jewelry worn daily: Platinum diamond engagement ring on the wrong hand.
13. Sunglasses: If I wear contacts, I wear cheap off the street plastic ones. I just busted my $5 oversized '60s ones that I loved.
14. Favorite shirt: Either my black vneck sweater or my LL bean grey and green mens flannel.
16. CD in stereo right now: Booty Olympics "Boystyle"
17. Piercings: Two in each ear.
18. What you are wearing now: Above-mentioned LL Bean grey and green mens flannel shirt. Striped high cut briefs.
19. Wishing: I could get off my ass and my projects and problems would magically disappear.
20. Wanting: Elves. Lots and lots of elves.
21. After this: getting off my ass. taking meds. maybe cereal.
22. If you could get away with it and murder anyone who would it be? Can't abide murder, unless someone hurt a friend or family member I would kill to defend them.
23. Persons you wish you could see right now: Hmm, there's a few.
25. Something you're looking forward to in the coming week: My friend Mike is coming to town.
26. The last thing you ate: Last night i had hot and sour soup.
27. Something you are moderately afraid of: Moderately? Uncertainty.
31. Do you believe in love? Yes, much to my detriment.
32. Do you believe in soul mates? Goddamn, I hate that word.
33. Do you believe in love at first sight? I'm not sure that's love, but it's something.
35. Do you believe in God? I don't know, really.
38. What is the longest you've ever watched TV? Oh, dear, mindless marathons have trapped me...
44. Who is someone that you really wish was still around? My great-aunt.
RELATIONSHIPS:
45. Who are your best friends? I have a few. Not all of them are geographically close. Some are moving farther away, and that's bumming me out.
46. How many people have you kissed? There's kissing and then there's kissing.
47. Would you be in a long distance relationship? Oy vey. Perhaps. I like space.
48. Still have feelings for anyone you've been in a past relationship with? Oh of course, who doesn't? Although at least one ex says I don't have nearly enough; he tends to hang on to nearly everyone in some form or another, I really don't.
49. Do you know what it feels like to be in love? I'm pretty sure I do, but recent life events have caused me to wonder. Shit happens. But yes, I think I do.
50. Would you sacrifice your favorite possession for your best friends? Of course.
FASHION STUFF:
51. Where is your favorite place to shop? J. Jill catalog.
52. Have any tattoos? No.
61. Do you do drugs? Rarely do I do illegal drugs.
64. What are you listening to right now? Oddly nothing, although Foreigner's "I want to know what love is" is going through my head right now.
65. Who was the last person that called you? My friend Mike about his travel plans for this week.
66. Where do you want to get married? Vegas, drunk. Ha! Of course I am still technically married right now.
68. What would you change about yourself? Be less angry at myself and more focused on positive changes in my life.
69. What are essentials in your life? Cash, family, friends, Internet, carbonated water.
CURRENT:
71. Hair: longish, curlyish, dark brown, messy
72. make-up: None. I haven't showered yet.
73. music: Maudlin shit. Just put on Steve Earle.
74. mood: tense
75. State of Being: uncertain
1. Spell your first name backwards: ellehciM
2. Story behind your journal name: It's a variant of a phrase that my friend Janet and I developed to describe something quite different. In other words, a long complicated private joke that means nothing to you.
3. How old are you: 38
4. Where do you live: NY, NY
DESCRIBE YOUR:
5. Wallet: Black Fossil leather checkbook wallet, stuffed with business cards, receipts, courtesy cards but rarely money which usually goes in my pockets.
7. Toothbrush: Gray and black Crest bendy ergonomic one. I should get a new one
8. Jewelry worn daily: Platinum diamond engagement ring on the wrong hand.
13. Sunglasses: If I wear contacts, I wear cheap off the street plastic ones. I just busted my $5 oversized '60s ones that I loved.
14. Favorite shirt: Either my black vneck sweater or my LL bean grey and green mens flannel.
16. CD in stereo right now: Booty Olympics "Boystyle"
17. Piercings: Two in each ear.
18. What you are wearing now: Above-mentioned LL Bean grey and green mens flannel shirt. Striped high cut briefs.
19. Wishing: I could get off my ass and my projects and problems would magically disappear.
20. Wanting: Elves. Lots and lots of elves.
21. After this: getting off my ass. taking meds. maybe cereal.
22. If you could get away with it and murder anyone who would it be? Can't abide murder, unless someone hurt a friend or family member I would kill to defend them.
23. Persons you wish you could see right now: Hmm, there's a few.
25. Something you're looking forward to in the coming week: My friend Mike is coming to town.
26. The last thing you ate: Last night i had hot and sour soup.
27. Something you are moderately afraid of: Moderately? Uncertainty.
31. Do you believe in love? Yes, much to my detriment.
32. Do you believe in soul mates? Goddamn, I hate that word.
33. Do you believe in love at first sight? I'm not sure that's love, but it's something.
35. Do you believe in God? I don't know, really.
38. What is the longest you've ever watched TV? Oh, dear, mindless marathons have trapped me...
44. Who is someone that you really wish was still around? My great-aunt.
RELATIONSHIPS:
45. Who are your best friends? I have a few. Not all of them are geographically close. Some are moving farther away, and that's bumming me out.
46. How many people have you kissed? There's kissing and then there's kissing.
47. Would you be in a long distance relationship? Oy vey. Perhaps. I like space.
48. Still have feelings for anyone you've been in a past relationship with? Oh of course, who doesn't? Although at least one ex says I don't have nearly enough; he tends to hang on to nearly everyone in some form or another, I really don't.
49. Do you know what it feels like to be in love? I'm pretty sure I do, but recent life events have caused me to wonder. Shit happens. But yes, I think I do.
50. Would you sacrifice your favorite possession for your best friends? Of course.
FASHION STUFF:
51. Where is your favorite place to shop? J. Jill catalog.
52. Have any tattoos? No.
61. Do you do drugs? Rarely do I do illegal drugs.
64. What are you listening to right now? Oddly nothing, although Foreigner's "I want to know what love is" is going through my head right now.
65. Who was the last person that called you? My friend Mike about his travel plans for this week.
66. Where do you want to get married? Vegas, drunk. Ha! Of course I am still technically married right now.
68. What would you change about yourself? Be less angry at myself and more focused on positive changes in my life.
69. What are essentials in your life? Cash, family, friends, Internet, carbonated water.
CURRENT:
71. Hair: longish, curlyish, dark brown, messy
72. make-up: None. I haven't showered yet.
73. music: Maudlin shit. Just put on Steve Earle.
74. mood: tense
75. State of Being: uncertain
12/12/05
Loser of the day
I have, through various technical mishaps, electronic tomfoolery, poor judgment, conducting business with people who've never known my home phone number, long-distance intoxication, and other forms of idiocy, paid the world's largest mobile phone bill.
At least I hope so. I used a charge card that may or may not be current.
Fuuuuuuuck.
At least I hope so. I used a charge card that may or may not be current.
Fuuuuuuuck.
Greek of the Week!
My awesomely cool friend Chris Bonanos (old college buddy, high-powered magazine editor, outstanding pastry chef, and sweet sweet dresser, among many other things) has published a cool book about all things Greek.
Go, get your copy now. Suitable for all your Greek friends, relatives and diner owners!
Hooray!
12/11/05
Take another listen, Kermie.
There's really a touch of skepticism about this song. Skepticism and hope. But both.
The Rainbow Connection
(sing along with Kermit)
Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it,
And look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.
All of us under its spell,
We know that it's probably magic...
... Have you been half asleep? And have you heard voices? I've heard them calling my name.
... Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that I'm s'posed to be...
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.
Laa, da daa dee da daa daa,
La laa la la laa dee daa doo...
(I do not know how to upload mp3 files, anybody?)
The Rainbow Connection
(sing along with Kermit)
Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it,
And look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.
All of us under its spell,
We know that it's probably magic...
... Have you been half asleep? And have you heard voices? I've heard them calling my name.
... Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that I'm s'posed to be...
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.
Laa, da daa dee da daa daa,
La laa la la laa dee daa doo...
(I do not know how to upload mp3 files, anybody?)
12/10/05
People are leaving.
So I was trying to organize my photos (I'm no better with albums, believe me, and iPhoto blows. Anyone who has better software, let me know, but I guess iPhoto is it. and I'm fortunate that I duplicated efforts, cause all my iPhoto-only photos, the got eaten in the hard-drive disaster.) Anyway, I found photos of my "not-a-versary" party (which is dangerously close to my clot-a-versary, a date I still can't well acknowledge). Came across this photo, which kind of pulls together a lot of themes herein:
This is gonna be one of those ramblin' posts, can't you tell?
The blonde lady in the middle is my buddy Correne, a lawyer (Or as she says, FORMER lawyer) and super comic who's going to LA to Make It After All. She's been a good friend and wonderful partner in crime and I'm going to miss her like mad. I admire her guts and wish her the best and also deep down am feeling shit she's going. And loved singing fucking Madonna songs with her!
The lady with the long locks off to the side is my buddy Christina, or my "Scorpion super clot sister" who I also love to death. We have far too much in common, besides being hilarious (dear Lord, is she hilarious!). She's way hotter stuff than I am, and has a far better wig collection, of which I have often availed myself. And I belted out some killer ABBA with her. We do not spend enough time together, and we should.
You gotta treasure people. You do.
This is gonna be one of those ramblin' posts, can't you tell?
The blonde lady in the middle is my buddy Correne, a lawyer (Or as she says, FORMER lawyer) and super comic who's going to LA to Make It After All. She's been a good friend and wonderful partner in crime and I'm going to miss her like mad. I admire her guts and wish her the best and also deep down am feeling shit she's going. And loved singing fucking Madonna songs with her!
The lady with the long locks off to the side is my buddy Christina, or my "Scorpion super clot sister" who I also love to death. We have far too much in common, besides being hilarious (dear Lord, is she hilarious!). She's way hotter stuff than I am, and has a far better wig collection, of which I have often availed myself. And I belted out some killer ABBA with her. We do not spend enough time together, and we should.
You gotta treasure people. You do.
12/8/05
Words to live by, Or die by.
No, nothing I ever do is good enough. Not beautiful enough, it's not funny enough, it's not deep enough, it's not anything enough. Now, when I see a rose, that's perfect. I mean, that's perfect. I want to look up to God and say, "How the hell did you do that? And why the hell can't I do that?"
- "All that Jazz"
- "All that Jazz"
12/7/05
Want to be in this show?
Holiday Cheer! Secret Santa! Stand Up Comedy!
Be a part of the First Annual "Office Party" Stand Up Comedy Contest at the Laugh Lounge
Tuesday December 20th @ 830 PM
Far better than your day job Holiday Festivities!
This show is for all you hilarious hapless professionals who've tossed back one too many cups of sugary eggnog and photocopied one random object too many ....
You need not be an experienced comic to enter!
You need to bring along at least six friends/colleagues and have five minutes worth of material.
You will get to perform up on stage at the Lower East Side's finest comedy venue along side seasoned pros and in front of club management.
Judging based on originality, stage presence, and audience response.
Fun and awesome holiday prizes will be had. Seriously.
Let me know ASAP whether you are interested in performing - a limited number of spots are available!
Contact me thru this site or email me at doobie77jd AT yahoo DOT com.
Be a part of the First Annual "Office Party" Stand Up Comedy Contest at the Laugh Lounge
Tuesday December 20th @ 830 PM
Far better than your day job Holiday Festivities!
This show is for all you hilarious hapless professionals who've tossed back one too many cups of sugary eggnog and photocopied one random object too many ....
You need not be an experienced comic to enter!
You need to bring along at least six friends/colleagues and have five minutes worth of material.
You will get to perform up on stage at the Lower East Side's finest comedy venue along side seasoned pros and in front of club management.
Judging based on originality, stage presence, and audience response.
Fun and awesome holiday prizes will be had. Seriously.
Let me know ASAP whether you are interested in performing - a limited number of spots are available!
Contact me thru this site or email me at doobie77jd AT yahoo DOT com.
Forget it.
I don't really miss him that much. Missing people in general is a sucky waste of time and defies some law of robotics to which I should normally be adhering.
12/6/05
Why I miss him
From: ex@xxxx.com
To: me@xxxx.com
Date: Dec 6, 2005 2:14 PM
Subject: $24 island
Found myself walking on the promenade in Bkln Heights in the snow last night.
Manhattan shared a (big) spot in the harbor with the barges and boats.
(It's just simple shit like this. I should've been on this walk.)
To: me@xxxx.com
Date: Dec 6, 2005 2:14 PM
Subject: $24 island
Found myself walking on the promenade in Bkln Heights in the snow last night.
Manhattan shared a (big) spot in the harbor with the barges and boats.
(It's just simple shit like this. I should've been on this walk.)
12/5/05
Terms of Endearment. Try turning it off.
SPOILER ALERT: This is the stupidest sappiest post ever.
80s sapfest, yes. Why do they all have that horrible piano music in the background?
But it's one of my 'sucker' movies. If it's on, I must switch to it.
Besides the overarching weepy plot (see also Beaches) and the presence of Debra Winger (see Officer and a Gentleman; shouldn't she have also had the Barbara Hershey role in Beaches? Think about it! Anyhoo...), it's got quirky old-person romance.
Shirley MacLaine just got it on with Jack Nicholson ("the astronaut." Don't you refer to people by their titles and not their names? I do.) Jeff Daniels just got caught cheating on Debra Winger.
And it's not even halfway over. Not even at the mega-sad parts.
I've gotta go.
1250 AM: It's on again.
The Astronaut is a selfish cunt. Then again, so is Aurora.
Aurora and Emma:
"I just don't want to fight anymore."
"When do we fight?"
Aurora to Flap:
"One of the nicest qualities about you is that you always recognized your own weaknesses. Don't lose that quality now when you need it the most."
Flap:
"Who am I if I'm not the man who's failing Emma?"
Flap and Emma:
"God, you're easy to please."
"I'm so glad we're talking, I just am. It just means so much to me..."
Shit.
I've gotta go.
80s sapfest, yes. Why do they all have that horrible piano music in the background?
But it's one of my 'sucker' movies. If it's on, I must switch to it.
Besides the overarching weepy plot (see also Beaches) and the presence of Debra Winger (see Officer and a Gentleman; shouldn't she have also had the Barbara Hershey role in Beaches? Think about it! Anyhoo...), it's got quirky old-person romance.
Shirley MacLaine just got it on with Jack Nicholson ("the astronaut." Don't you refer to people by their titles and not their names? I do.) Jeff Daniels just got caught cheating on Debra Winger.
And it's not even halfway over. Not even at the mega-sad parts.
I've gotta go.
1250 AM: It's on again.
The Astronaut is a selfish cunt. Then again, so is Aurora.
Aurora and Emma:
"I just don't want to fight anymore."
"When do we fight?"
Aurora to Flap:
"One of the nicest qualities about you is that you always recognized your own weaknesses. Don't lose that quality now when you need it the most."
Flap:
"Who am I if I'm not the man who's failing Emma?"
Flap and Emma:
"God, you're easy to please."
"I'm so glad we're talking, I just am. It just means so much to me..."
Shit.
I've gotta go.
12/4/05
Michael J. Fox
On Inside the Actors' Studio.
"Can I take 2 minutes?...I've gotta wait for a pill to kick in."
Dear lord. Dead man walking. Beautiful, funny, sweet dead man walking.
On getting sicker and how it makes him 'lucky' -
"To see what I've lost makes me look at what I've gained."
Damn.
"Can I take 2 minutes?...I've gotta wait for a pill to kick in."
Dear lord. Dead man walking. Beautiful, funny, sweet dead man walking.
On getting sicker and how it makes him 'lucky' -
"To see what I've lost makes me look at what I've gained."
Damn.
11/30/05
Question
Is it better to look good or to feel good?
Bleah.
I like suits. I do, actually. I like the order and structure, and something about them just says 'work.'
I'm still wearing the suit from an early morning appointment. It's made me feel way guilty about not working harder, at any rate.
It's a cool suit, brown with pale green trim and a perfect length skirt. I don't even need heels to feel tall.
Suit, suit, suit. Law suit.
Bleah.
I like suits. I do, actually. I like the order and structure, and something about them just says 'work.'
I'm still wearing the suit from an early morning appointment. It's made me feel way guilty about not working harder, at any rate.
It's a cool suit, brown with pale green trim and a perfect length skirt. I don't even need heels to feel tall.
Suit, suit, suit. Law suit.
This time, I'm hosting!
Come be my guest at this show!
Funniest Lawyer in NY
Stand up NY
236 W 78th Street
Friday December 2 @ 7 PM
$12 + 2 Drink Minimum
Email me at doobie777jd AT yahoo DOT com for a spot on the guest list!
Funniest Lawyer in NY
Stand up NY
236 W 78th Street
Friday December 2 @ 7 PM
$12 + 2 Drink Minimum
Email me at doobie777jd AT yahoo DOT com for a spot on the guest list!
11/27/05
The Skin Horse is full of it, or I am.
Being Real hurts like a motherfucker.
I guess I do mind.
I guess I'm not there yet.
I guess I do mind.
I guess I'm not there yet.
11/26/05
More cool stuff!
Come be my guest at this show!
Funniest Lawyer in NY
Stand up NY
236 W 78th Street
Monday November 28th @ 7 PM
2 Drink Minimum
Email me at doobie777jd AT yahoo DOT com for a spot on the guest list!
Funniest Lawyer in NY
Stand up NY
236 W 78th Street
Monday November 28th @ 7 PM
2 Drink Minimum
Email me at doobie777jd AT yahoo DOT com for a spot on the guest list!
Cool stuff!
Chris Gethard - someone who I 'know well enough to say hi and stuff to' from around the UCB Theater, and who is a truly hilarious and nice human being, has published this book. It looks awesome. I'm going to buy one, you should too! Hooray!
Really.
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
- Margery Williams, "The Velveteen Rabbit"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
- Margery Williams, "The Velveteen Rabbit"
11/25/05
Caption Contest
"Well, Doctor, I'm sure we can proceed with the separation surgery, but there's an exceedingly high likelihood of brain damage....oh, you're saying there's already a high likelihood of brain damage. Carry on."
More inspiration (curious, that second one)
From Raymond Carver, the writer, rather than his characters (from thinkexist.com)
"Isak Dinesen said that she wrote a little every day, without hope and without despair. I like that."
"I never wrote so much as a line worth a nickel when I was under the influence of alcohol"
"Isak Dinesen said that she wrote a little every day, without hope and without despair. I like that."
"I never wrote so much as a line worth a nickel when I was under the influence of alcohol"
I go,
''That morning she pours Teacher's over my belly and licks it off. That afternoon she tries to jump out the window.
I go, 'Holly, this can't continue. This has got to stop.' ''
- Raymond Carver, "Gazebo"
I go, 'Holly, this can't continue. This has got to stop.' ''
- Raymond Carver, "Gazebo"
11/19/05
Recipe for when life gets to be too much
2 eggs, scrambled in the pan with onion salt and regular salt
3 pieces bacon, cooked to death
2 slices rye toast, buttered generously
1 cup reheated coffee with honey and milk
Serve on quilted placemat.
Prepared by slightly confused, often contentious, but still able to multi-task breakfast in five minutes, eighty-eight year old grandmother who can still come through in the clutch.
3 pieces bacon, cooked to death
2 slices rye toast, buttered generously
1 cup reheated coffee with honey and milk
Serve on quilted placemat.
Prepared by slightly confused, often contentious, but still able to multi-task breakfast in five minutes, eighty-eight year old grandmother who can still come through in the clutch.
11/14/05
Where am I?
Two people in the last 2 days have asked me if I've lost a bunch of weight. honestly I don't know. I don't feel particularly smaller. My doctor, in giving me his usual hairy eyeball, suggested that instead of losing "X pounds" suggested I lose "Y pounds," Y being a number a great deal smaller than X; I thought he was just feeling sorry for me. Someone actually asked me if I'd been ill.
So I walked from 23rd and 7th to 4th and A yesterday, stopping for food only when I hit my neighborhood, only having consumed a banana and some coffee. No Food till The east Side!
I'm going to swim laps today if it kills me. My thighs are starting to return, but I have not yet redeveloped a butt. But, butt, get it? And I haven't yet relocated my swim goggles. Where the fuck would I lose swim goggles?
Don't worry. I'm still a fattie. With slightly firmer thighs, I'm hoping.
Maybe cutting out the quarts of booze really helped. Hmm.
So I walked from 23rd and 7th to 4th and A yesterday, stopping for food only when I hit my neighborhood, only having consumed a banana and some coffee. No Food till The east Side!
I'm going to swim laps today if it kills me. My thighs are starting to return, but I have not yet redeveloped a butt. But, butt, get it? And I haven't yet relocated my swim goggles. Where the fuck would I lose swim goggles?
Don't worry. I'm still a fattie. With slightly firmer thighs, I'm hoping.
Maybe cutting out the quarts of booze really helped. Hmm.
11/13/05
Physics wrought large
Did you ever notice that when approaching a project there is a finite well of energy that often gets diverted - ie, when trying to clean the house, you end up spending all the time on a single closet?
Or that when trying to engage in a creative endeavour, you can only do one 'type' (write, perform, direct) at a time?
Just something I noticed.
With apologies to Schrodinger and Planck....did you ever feel that life could be potentially wonderful and terrible at the same time, and, moreover, you weren't entirely sure of which?
**********************
It is entirely possibly that my analogies suck. Deal with it.
xxx
Or that when trying to engage in a creative endeavour, you can only do one 'type' (write, perform, direct) at a time?
Just something I noticed.
With apologies to Schrodinger and Planck....did you ever feel that life could be potentially wonderful and terrible at the same time, and, moreover, you weren't entirely sure of which?
**********************
It is entirely possibly that my analogies suck. Deal with it.
xxx
11/12/05
I am a shy attention-whore
Check out my interview in this fun blog!
I need to update my website with stuff I am in a little bit. (Not update it a little bit, there's stuff -a film, a sound clip - that I'm in a little bit.)
I want to be in more stuff.
I need to update my website with stuff I am in a little bit. (Not update it a little bit, there's stuff -a film, a sound clip - that I'm in a little bit.)
I want to be in more stuff.
Cleaning house
I have found
- borrowed software (sorry!)
- a CLE disk (hooray!)
- my UCBT t-shirt (hooray!)
- an ancient comedy notebook (damn)
- my marriage license (alas)
- two cans of Static Guard (what the fuck?)
- The Sims discs (dangerous....)
- my lost cellphone
- a lot of broken jewelry
I have not found
- true love
- sanity
- organization
- hope
- a notebook that i really need
- borrowed software (sorry!)
- a CLE disk (hooray!)
- my UCBT t-shirt (hooray!)
- an ancient comedy notebook (damn)
- my marriage license (alas)
- two cans of Static Guard (what the fuck?)
- The Sims discs (dangerous....)
- my lost cellphone
- a lot of broken jewelry
I have not found
- true love
- sanity
- organization
- hope
- a notebook that i really need
11/9/05
11/7/05
Stolen from someone else's blog
Note: my blog is on hiatus until I stop being such a misanthropic creature. I will steal freely from others until then.
I stole this from another funner blog.
1. What time is it?11:44 a.m.
2. What's your full name? Michelle
3. What are you most afraid of? Suffocation and rejection
4. What is the most recent movie that you've seen in a theater? Either Star Wars Ep III or the Aristocrats
5. Place of birth? Brooklyn NY
6. Favorite new food? Age (pronouced ag-ay) tofu
7. What's your natural hair color? Brown
8 . Ever been to Alaska? No
9. Ever been toilet papering rolling? No
10. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes
11. Been in a car accident? Yes, twice
12. Croutons or bacon bits? Depends on the salad.
13. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
14. Favorite Restaurant? Union Square Cafe
15. Favorite Flower? Lilacs
16. Favorite sport to watch? Baseball
17. Favorite Drink? Jack on the rocks
18. Favorite ice cream? Breyers vanilla
19. Disney or Warner Brothers? Warner brothers
20. Favorite fast food restaurant? Subway or Wendy's
21. What color is your bedroom carpet? Green
22. How many times you failed your driver's test? Twice
23. Before this one, from whom did you get your last E-mail? Martha
24. What do you do most often when you are bored? Channel surf, internet surf, re-read books, write
25. Bedtime? When I finally get home at night.
26. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? N/A
27. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? N/A
28. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their responses? N/A
29. Favorite TV shows? The Wire, RW/RR challenges, Making the Band 3, ANTM and a few other crappy reality-tv shows (Shut up), Arrested Development, Curb your Enthusiasm, The Sopranos
31. Ford or Chevy? NYC public transportation
32. What are you listening to right now? Brian Lehrer on WNYC
33. What are your favorite colors? Red, black
34. How many tattoos do you have? Zero
35. How many pets do you have? None, I relinquished custody of my cat
36. Which came first the chicken or the egg? I hate this question, it's the wrong one
37. What would you like to accomplish before you die? Something outstandingly famously brilliant, perhaps.
38. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? Zero.
39. Time completed? 11:49 a.m.
I stole this from another funner blog.
1. What time is it?11:44 a.m.
2. What's your full name? Michelle
3. What are you most afraid of? Suffocation and rejection
4. What is the most recent movie that you've seen in a theater? Either Star Wars Ep III or the Aristocrats
5. Place of birth? Brooklyn NY
6. Favorite new food? Age (pronouced ag-ay) tofu
7. What's your natural hair color? Brown
8 . Ever been to Alaska? No
9. Ever been toilet papering rolling? No
10. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes
11. Been in a car accident? Yes, twice
12. Croutons or bacon bits? Depends on the salad.
13. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
14. Favorite Restaurant? Union Square Cafe
15. Favorite Flower? Lilacs
16. Favorite sport to watch? Baseball
17. Favorite Drink? Jack on the rocks
18. Favorite ice cream? Breyers vanilla
19. Disney or Warner Brothers? Warner brothers
20. Favorite fast food restaurant? Subway or Wendy's
21. What color is your bedroom carpet? Green
22. How many times you failed your driver's test? Twice
23. Before this one, from whom did you get your last E-mail? Martha
24. What do you do most often when you are bored? Channel surf, internet surf, re-read books, write
25. Bedtime? When I finally get home at night.
26. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? N/A
27. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? N/A
28. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their responses? N/A
29. Favorite TV shows? The Wire, RW/RR challenges, Making the Band 3, ANTM and a few other crappy reality-tv shows (Shut up), Arrested Development, Curb your Enthusiasm, The Sopranos
31. Ford or Chevy? NYC public transportation
32. What are you listening to right now? Brian Lehrer on WNYC
33. What are your favorite colors? Red, black
34. How many tattoos do you have? Zero
35. How many pets do you have? None, I relinquished custody of my cat
36. Which came first the chicken or the egg? I hate this question, it's the wrong one
37. What would you like to accomplish before you die? Something outstandingly famously brilliant, perhaps.
38. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? Zero.
39. Time completed? 11:49 a.m.
Is anybody listening?
What I really want to do is have a shower, hop on a train with a laptop and a charge card, and just keep going.
See you later, suckers. It's my turn to reject you all.
See you later, suckers. It's my turn to reject you all.
11/6/05
With gratitude and apologies to George Carlin.
Shit piss cunt fuck cocksucker motherfucker and tits.
That's all I've got to say. It's just about all I've got right now.
Shit piss cunt fuck cocksucker motherfucker and tits.
That's all I've got to say. It's just about all I've got right now.
Shit piss cunt fuck cocksucker motherfucker and tits.
11/1/05
That reminds me of ...(an email to a friend which should really be a journal entry)
Madonna was the phenomena when I was in high school. she used to live in my (current) neighborhood when it was gross. it was very cool to publicly hate and secretly love madonna. my best friend/ex-crush/just-come-out-to-me gay prom date used to call me "mir-donna" to get me.
But i did drunkely dance to blaring Madonna remixes at Limelight in a white shoulder-padded extremely short minidress and red spike heels (with enormous hair, yes) after said prom with said friend (white shoulder-padded suit, skinny red tie, spiked hair), chain-smoking and piss-drunk on Long Island (authentic) ice teas, May 1985.
Soooo hot. No waiting behind the velvet rope for us!
Ah, memories.
That reminds you of the time that...
But i did drunkely dance to blaring Madonna remixes at Limelight in a white shoulder-padded extremely short minidress and red spike heels (with enormous hair, yes) after said prom with said friend (white shoulder-padded suit, skinny red tie, spiked hair), chain-smoking and piss-drunk on Long Island (authentic) ice teas, May 1985.
Soooo hot. No waiting behind the velvet rope for us!
Ah, memories.
That reminds you of the time that...
10/28/05
Novel ideas.
I'm going to do the NaNoWriMo thing again this year, for real. What the fuck? I've actually got an idea for it. They say it's ok to do an outline, at least, first. So I'm going to try. It's a little Angels in America, a little All that Jazz, a little real life, a little Christmas Carol, and completely fa-cocked.
Of course, I've said too much.
Do you think you're in it? Mayhaps you are.
Of course, I've said too much.
Do you think you're in it? Mayhaps you are.
10/26/05
Grasping.
I want some pancakes.
I kind of want that kitten that someone just rescued.
But what I really want is....
I kind of want that kitten that someone just rescued.
But what I really want is....
Titles are not the hard part. Or are they?
So, some smart guy said some cool things to me tonight. Lots of people, but one in particular did. And I want to remember them, but I'm horrible at exactitude in quoting, and, sometimes, in expressing myself clearly when it counts.
I'm taking a writing class, you see. And, well, the more you write something, sometimes, the worse it comes off. And it's kind of like, well, painful to read twenty-eight pages in front of people...and nobody laughs. A slight, but slight, exaggeration. And it's like bleeding through the eyes for me to sit in a room with people who are frankly better at something than me.
The 'old' me is a one-draft, never-look-back wonder, awash in sloppy work, tossed-off rants, and unfinished projects. The person who looked around the class on the first day with a sinking ill-feeling, ready to ask for a refund and run away. Index cards? F**k that, not me.
Tonight I walked out with a tightened up (from last week) but gloriously unfinished, dragging in parts yet containing actual funny elements, workable and fixable, structurally sounder and more complete than I thought possible, draft of a Curb spec script.
People talked. I listened. I only held my head in my hands in moaning despair, oh, once.
Twenty-eight pages. Three plotlines, three acts. Jokes. Written in other characters' voices that aren't my own. Identified the draggy parts and the parts that need heightening and elements to carry through and punch up. I let people help me. Nobody f**king died. Painful, but a good pain.
I'd thought I'd corrected some things, but I'd overcorrected some things. Okay, cool.
It's my first one and I learned how to do stuff. And it made me f**king happy.
And you know? I'm, well, proud of this.
I feel like I unlocked a few secret doors.
Liberally paraphrased.....badly requoted...and f**ing good stuff anyway as I heard it.
"It's a process....it's a first step...people are always gonna tell you, you're always going to be able to make it better. It's tough. But it's fun, and yeah, it should be, it should make you happy....And, you know? You'll always have this skill, no matter what happens, no matter what the hell else is going on, how sh**ty things are, how crappy life is, you can always flip on the computer and write."
Thank you. It's truer than you know, Smart Guy. Seriously.
I never did break open the index cards, though. Maybe next time...Still a bit of a rebel.
I'm taking a writing class, you see. And, well, the more you write something, sometimes, the worse it comes off. And it's kind of like, well, painful to read twenty-eight pages in front of people...and nobody laughs. A slight, but slight, exaggeration. And it's like bleeding through the eyes for me to sit in a room with people who are frankly better at something than me.
The 'old' me is a one-draft, never-look-back wonder, awash in sloppy work, tossed-off rants, and unfinished projects. The person who looked around the class on the first day with a sinking ill-feeling, ready to ask for a refund and run away. Index cards? F**k that, not me.
Tonight I walked out with a tightened up (from last week) but gloriously unfinished, dragging in parts yet containing actual funny elements, workable and fixable, structurally sounder and more complete than I thought possible, draft of a Curb spec script.
People talked. I listened. I only held my head in my hands in moaning despair, oh, once.
Twenty-eight pages. Three plotlines, three acts. Jokes. Written in other characters' voices that aren't my own. Identified the draggy parts and the parts that need heightening and elements to carry through and punch up. I let people help me. Nobody f**king died. Painful, but a good pain.
I'd thought I'd corrected some things, but I'd overcorrected some things. Okay, cool.
It's my first one and I learned how to do stuff. And it made me f**king happy.
And you know? I'm, well, proud of this.
I feel like I unlocked a few secret doors.
Liberally paraphrased.....badly requoted...and f**ing good stuff anyway as I heard it.
"It's a process....it's a first step...people are always gonna tell you, you're always going to be able to make it better. It's tough. But it's fun, and yeah, it should be, it should make you happy....And, you know? You'll always have this skill, no matter what happens, no matter what the hell else is going on, how sh**ty things are, how crappy life is, you can always flip on the computer and write."
Thank you. It's truer than you know, Smart Guy. Seriously.
I never did break open the index cards, though. Maybe next time...Still a bit of a rebel.
From the NY Times Magazine this past Sunday.
"Being in love," she announces, "brought out the worst in me. The thing for me with men has probably always been How much do they love me? As opposed to How much do I love them?"
- Diane Keaton
(Yes, I'm one of those horrible trolls that reads the magazine first.)
- Diane Keaton
(Yes, I'm one of those horrible trolls that reads the magazine first.)
10/25/05
I do improv.
This post made bloody little sense. But I like leaving a trail to remind me of my own failings.
10/23/05
incrementalism
I threw out four-year old job rejection letters while wasting time on the Internet.
I packed a gym bag.
I buzz-dialed someone. (It was not a drunk dial, I swear. A beer and a glass of whiskey does not a drunk dial make.)
I sent long-distance text messages, not phone calls.
I found my yoga DVD.
Progress towards self-discipline, huh?
I packed a gym bag.
I buzz-dialed someone. (It was not a drunk dial, I swear. A beer and a glass of whiskey does not a drunk dial make.)
I sent long-distance text messages, not phone calls.
I found my yoga DVD.
Progress towards self-discipline, huh?
Yummy Pizza!
Purely a public service announcement.
Get on the N train to Avenue U. Walk a ways to 86th street in a logic-defying way. Go to L&B Spumoni Gardens.
Fan-fucking-tastic pizza and ices, aka 'spumoni.' Well, they've got ices, ice cream and spumoni - the spumoni is kinda like a cream ice that's truly the "Italian ice" I used to get as a kid at the Italian bakery. Don't think. Get a Sicilian pie and a small spumoni. Get the spumoni while you wait for the pie, if you gotta wait. The sauce alone will fucking kill you.
Fuhgedaboudit.
Get on the N train to Avenue U. Walk a ways to 86th street in a logic-defying way. Go to L&B Spumoni Gardens.
Fan-fucking-tastic pizza and ices, aka 'spumoni.' Well, they've got ices, ice cream and spumoni - the spumoni is kinda like a cream ice that's truly the "Italian ice" I used to get as a kid at the Italian bakery. Don't think. Get a Sicilian pie and a small spumoni. Get the spumoni while you wait for the pie, if you gotta wait. The sauce alone will fucking kill you.
Fuhgedaboudit.
10/21/05
Question
Does this blog have enough 'ironic detachment?"
Let me know and I'll add more if this is not a satisfactory amount. I aim to please. You aim too, please.
Let me know and I'll add more if this is not a satisfactory amount. I aim to please. You aim too, please.
headachey dreams
First off, I was living in one of those bigger-than-my-real-apartment NY apartments, but with a lot of the same stuff. Somehow, it was attached to my childhood home and backyeard, though. I had agreed to let a bunch of kids from the theater move in with me as roommates, but could never recall having them sign a sublease, which had been nagging at me (although the rent had always somehow gotten paid). I started to notice that they were starting to take over my stuff - one or two of my dresser drawers had a strange array of men's silk bathrobes in it, I think they were mens bathrobes, or maybe kimonos. They started having smallish parties over the house/apartment which was OK, but then I discovered that most all of my furniture that held my personal stuff had been moved out into the backyard. I couldn't move it back in again because it was really heavy, and it was raining. They said they'd help me, but my large wardrobe was stuck firmly in the mud, in the yard. It's pretty heavy.
Then I was at a job and a couple of my friends with more or less serious professional day jobs, both turned out to be my bosses for a project somehow. I was in a cubicle at 7 AM and they both surrounded me physically until I yelled; the female half got insulted and left deeming it 'unacceptable' and her male counterpart stood with his arms folded and laughed sarcastically.
Then I was at a job and a couple of my friends with more or less serious professional day jobs, both turned out to be my bosses for a project somehow. I was in a cubicle at 7 AM and they both surrounded me physically until I yelled; the female half got insulted and left deeming it 'unacceptable' and her male counterpart stood with his arms folded and laughed sarcastically.
10/19/05
Still can't sleep
(paraphrased)
"Yeah, so I finished the first draft of the script...needs some work, tightening up, but it's done. People did actually laugh, though.....Said I could actually use it as a writing sample for a project...seriously I didn't think it was good enough for even that, but I guess it is...we're just being really picky, agent-worthy it's not, yet....Had a nice talk....gotta get back on stage, yeah....Yeah, and I won like $1000 bucks for someone, yeah, a landlord case, not bad..yeah..."
Wasn't such a bad day, then.
Of course, it all happened in less than a couple hours. Then I came home and watched "Angels in America" again.
Was it, then, a good day? Shouldn't I know?
They say (and they do), Stop being so hard on yourself. What do they know, anyway?
They're not up at 5 AM.
"Yeah, so I finished the first draft of the script...needs some work, tightening up, but it's done. People did actually laugh, though.....Said I could actually use it as a writing sample for a project...seriously I didn't think it was good enough for even that, but I guess it is...we're just being really picky, agent-worthy it's not, yet....Had a nice talk....gotta get back on stage, yeah....Yeah, and I won like $1000 bucks for someone, yeah, a landlord case, not bad..yeah..."
Wasn't such a bad day, then.
Of course, it all happened in less than a couple hours. Then I came home and watched "Angels in America" again.
Was it, then, a good day? Shouldn't I know?
They say (and they do), Stop being so hard on yourself. What do they know, anyway?
They're not up at 5 AM.
Relax...don't do it
It was suggested once that all one (well, maybe me) would be to be locked in a room with a masseur and some ecstacy so I could chill the fuck out.
Indeed. Given the fact that I hate massages (see below) and substances I have not yet tried and whose effect I cannot adequately predict (control freaks hate hallucinogens), I'll have to find a new way to chill the fuck out.
Chilling the fuck out is not the same as lumping out with anxiety.
I was cleaning my bookshelves today and found a still-shrink wrapped yoga DVD. Perhaps it's time to stretch the fuck out.
If nothing else, I'm flexible.
Dammit, I wish I could sleep.
Indeed. Given the fact that I hate massages (see below) and substances I have not yet tried and whose effect I cannot adequately predict (control freaks hate hallucinogens), I'll have to find a new way to chill the fuck out.
Chilling the fuck out is not the same as lumping out with anxiety.
I was cleaning my bookshelves today and found a still-shrink wrapped yoga DVD. Perhaps it's time to stretch the fuck out.
If nothing else, I'm flexible.
Dammit, I wish I could sleep.
10/18/05
Lucky accidents...
I just googled "Waste of Space" (cause that's how I'm feeling at the moment" and came up with a fantastically cool web site:
PhysOrg.com: Science, Physics, Nanotechnology, Space News
Finally, a time-waster I can feel intellectually guilt-free about!
I love space, I love Physics. I do. I'm a fucking nerd with a heart of gold and a body for extra-long black stretch jeans and combat boots.
Now that my mini-blinds (semi-clean, or semi-grubby, depending on your outlook) have been installed, feel free to come to my apartment and stride around in the altogether reading the Sunday Times and drinking coffee. Lots of natural light, and I only brew the good stuff from Porto Rico. (Not a typo if you're not from NYC, it's a store. A fine, fine store.)
Now there's a personal ad worth answering.
Or not.
Quite frankly, I kind of feel about men right now almost how I feel about shrinks; I loathe the idea of breaking in a whole new one from scratch.
PhysOrg.com: Science, Physics, Nanotechnology, Space News
Finally, a time-waster I can feel intellectually guilt-free about!
I love space, I love Physics. I do. I'm a fucking nerd with a heart of gold and a body for extra-long black stretch jeans and combat boots.
Now that my mini-blinds (semi-clean, or semi-grubby, depending on your outlook) have been installed, feel free to come to my apartment and stride around in the altogether reading the Sunday Times and drinking coffee. Lots of natural light, and I only brew the good stuff from Porto Rico. (Not a typo if you're not from NYC, it's a store. A fine, fine store.)
Now there's a personal ad worth answering.
Or not.
Quite frankly, I kind of feel about men right now almost how I feel about shrinks; I loathe the idea of breaking in a whole new one from scratch.
10/17/05
"He loves, but his love has no meaning."
If you watch Angels in America and do not tear up at some point, you are obviously made of stone.
10/15/05
Doomed, doomed, lovely and doomed
Why are my favorite romances the doomed ones?
As she listens to "West Side Story" yet again. With a chaser of "Little Shop of Horrors."
Perhaps I'll pop "Casablanca" into the DVD player later, or maybe "The Way we Were" will be on TCM again tonight. Or was it AMC? I don't remember. HBO can't seem to stop showing "Bull Durham." (What happens when he goes off to manage in Visalia, anyway? Huh?) Or "Before Sunset," which, I explained to someone, made me want even less to see "Before Sunrise" (and then descended into an acting-improv-geek conversation about the moment before, etc. Hi-larious.)
I gotta remember to check my Ebay bid on "Annie Hall." Yeah.
Or, maybe I'll just stretch out in the park with "Gone with the Wind" or "The Age of Innocence." Yeah.
There's a place for us...Somewhere, a place for us.....
Yeah, that's funny.
PS - the most realistic relationship on "Sex and the City" was Carrie and Berger - think about it
Note to self - Buy a cat. Noooooooo!
"I'm depraved on account I'm deprived!"
- "Officer Krupke," West Side Story
As she listens to "West Side Story" yet again. With a chaser of "Little Shop of Horrors."
Perhaps I'll pop "Casablanca" into the DVD player later, or maybe "The Way we Were" will be on TCM again tonight. Or was it AMC? I don't remember. HBO can't seem to stop showing "Bull Durham." (What happens when he goes off to manage in Visalia, anyway? Huh?) Or "Before Sunset," which, I explained to someone, made me want even less to see "Before Sunrise" (and then descended into an acting-improv-geek conversation about the moment before, etc. Hi-larious.)
I gotta remember to check my Ebay bid on "Annie Hall." Yeah.
Or, maybe I'll just stretch out in the park with "Gone with the Wind" or "The Age of Innocence." Yeah.
There's a place for us...Somewhere, a place for us.....
Yeah, that's funny.
PS - the most realistic relationship on "Sex and the City" was Carrie and Berger - think about it
Note to self - Buy a cat. Noooooooo!
"I'm depraved on account I'm deprived!"
- "Officer Krupke," West Side Story
10/13/05
Let yourself be inspired.
Watch the Aspen interviews of the cast and directors of "Curb your Enthusiasm" at the end of the Season 3 DVD.
It is enlightening, inspiring and hilarious. And all too brief.
Don't let the bad editing and David Steinberg's dentition distract you.
I am a happy comedy geek right now. Oh, so very happy.
It is enlightening, inspiring and hilarious. And all too brief.
Don't let the bad editing and David Steinberg's dentition distract you.
I am a happy comedy geek right now. Oh, so very happy.
10/12/05
Contemplation and sober reflection.
Sure, it's a new year, but does that automatically mean I'll become a better housekeeper, much less a better person?
Lather, reflect, repeat.
Lather, reflect, repeat.
10/11/05
i enjoy being a girl.....or do I?
Oh dear lord, Patrice O'neal is doing ridonkulously (theoretically) offensive material on pussy-eating and rape and women and vaginas that I can't stop laughing at.
Can't. Stop. Laughing.
It gets better and better.
'I only fuck so I have a memory to jerk off to later.'
This is horrible. And wonderful.
Women can't do this shit.
Or can they?
Huh?
HBO One Night Stand. Glad they brought it back. Remember when it was the only source of cable stand-up?
"Ladies...when you a whore, be a whore for YOU!"
- Patrice O'Neal
Can't. Stop. Laughing.
It gets better and better.
'I only fuck so I have a memory to jerk off to later.'
This is horrible. And wonderful.
Women can't do this shit.
Or can they?
Huh?
HBO One Night Stand. Glad they brought it back. Remember when it was the only source of cable stand-up?
"Ladies...when you a whore, be a whore for YOU!"
- Patrice O'Neal
Methadonia on HBO
Jazz and junkie-speak are a perfect combination. I find it fascinating, now that I'm around it less, personally and professionally.
Were you ever surprised you weren't a drug addict?
Were you ever surprised you weren't a drug addict?
10/9/05
Do I have AD-what?
Maybe I do have ADD.
I can't finish anything. Except lunch.
BOOM.
I forgot to make dinner, though.
And I watched ALL of the Surreal Life. Maybe, then I'm wrong. I CAN finish something.
Priorities, priorities.
I'm fucked, aren't I?
*********************************
For me, life is kind of like trying to make a waterbed, with a cat lying on it. It's like when you pull down one corner of the sheets, another one comes up...you flop down to try and stretch it, the water pushes up under the other side, messing it up, and there's a damn cat running around under the sheet, just to fuck things up even further...
*********************************
I like to hoard shit. Turns out at the moment it's not food, but pharmaceuticals. Not the good kind, but consumer products. I'd taken one trip to the Pfizer store too many, I've discovered. I've got a lifetime supply of Neosporin. Well, a lifetime for you, maybe. About six months' worth for me. I'm a klutz. A destructive klutz, baby.
I can't finish anything. Except lunch.
BOOM.
I forgot to make dinner, though.
And I watched ALL of the Surreal Life. Maybe, then I'm wrong. I CAN finish something.
Priorities, priorities.
I'm fucked, aren't I?
*********************************
For me, life is kind of like trying to make a waterbed, with a cat lying on it. It's like when you pull down one corner of the sheets, another one comes up...you flop down to try and stretch it, the water pushes up under the other side, messing it up, and there's a damn cat running around under the sheet, just to fuck things up even further...
*********************************
I like to hoard shit. Turns out at the moment it's not food, but pharmaceuticals. Not the good kind, but consumer products. I'd taken one trip to the Pfizer store too many, I've discovered. I've got a lifetime supply of Neosporin. Well, a lifetime for you, maybe. About six months' worth for me. I'm a klutz. A destructive klutz, baby.
10/8/05
Mix-ology
Here's an interesting personal experiment.
Try making a (non-topic-specific) mix tape/CD/compilation for someone you don't know especially well. Or someone you want to know better.
Let the person themselves be the 'suggestion,' so to speak.
It's fascinating. What about that person makes them so intriguing? and what about them sets you to music, so to speak? What translates them into song and verse? What makes them (and you, in relation to them) sing?
Would they like your compilation, do you think?
Would they agree?
Would they dance?
Would they smile?
Would they be baffled?
Try making a (non-topic-specific) mix tape/CD/compilation for someone you don't know especially well. Or someone you want to know better.
Let the person themselves be the 'suggestion,' so to speak.
It's fascinating. What about that person makes them so intriguing? and what about them sets you to music, so to speak? What translates them into song and verse? What makes them (and you, in relation to them) sing?
Would they like your compilation, do you think?
Would they agree?
Would they dance?
Would they smile?
Would they be baffled?
10/7/05
compelled to update
tired
liberated
behind on stuff
need a neck rub
need a house cleaning and laundry
tired
dinner?
perhaps
tired.
later.
xoxo
Wait. This looks too much like a fucking poem, and we all know my stance on poetry, unless it's freestyled an in the context of an improv show.
Let's recap. I got up way too early to finish part of a project. It still needs reworking and it caused me great frustration, but with some help, it's better than I thought and I feel ok about it. I still need to get some stuff done, work-wise and creative-wise, by lunch tomorrow, but I'm a bit overtired and I don't think it will happen tonight, although I'm going to attempt to make some progress on it while I"m still vertical. I need dinner, but I'm too beat to go out and get some ingredients, as stores in the house are running low. It's also a cluttery mess but I don't have the energy at the moment, it's tomorrow afternoon's project, as I think it'll be too rainy to hit Coney Island as I had wanted to. Maybe Sunday? Hopefully. We'll see. Tomorrow's a haircut too, I almost forgot. Believe it or not, I would also like a neck rub, but there's only one person I know of at the present time who I can stand doing that; otherwise, I tense up past all recognition and it makes it worse. I generally can't tolerate backrubs, massages, I find them painful and it becomes a vicious feedback-loop of tension and achiness - even 'friendly' ones. Forget about so-called professional massages, not for me.
Anyway. I should get rid of the nail polish too, it's annoying me.
More later. Off to engage myself in some other way.
xoxo
liberated
behind on stuff
need a neck rub
need a house cleaning and laundry
tired
dinner?
perhaps
tired.
later.
xoxo
Wait. This looks too much like a fucking poem, and we all know my stance on poetry, unless it's freestyled an in the context of an improv show.
Let's recap. I got up way too early to finish part of a project. It still needs reworking and it caused me great frustration, but with some help, it's better than I thought and I feel ok about it. I still need to get some stuff done, work-wise and creative-wise, by lunch tomorrow, but I'm a bit overtired and I don't think it will happen tonight, although I'm going to attempt to make some progress on it while I"m still vertical. I need dinner, but I'm too beat to go out and get some ingredients, as stores in the house are running low. It's also a cluttery mess but I don't have the energy at the moment, it's tomorrow afternoon's project, as I think it'll be too rainy to hit Coney Island as I had wanted to. Maybe Sunday? Hopefully. We'll see. Tomorrow's a haircut too, I almost forgot. Believe it or not, I would also like a neck rub, but there's only one person I know of at the present time who I can stand doing that; otherwise, I tense up past all recognition and it makes it worse. I generally can't tolerate backrubs, massages, I find them painful and it becomes a vicious feedback-loop of tension and achiness - even 'friendly' ones. Forget about so-called professional massages, not for me.
Anyway. I should get rid of the nail polish too, it's annoying me.
More later. Off to engage myself in some other way.
xoxo
10/2/05
I also need to steer off IMDb.
Kirby: It's true love, my friend.
Kevin: Love, love, you know what love is? Love is an illusion created by lawyer types like yourself to perpetuate another illusion called marriage to create the reality of divorce and then the illusionary need for divorce lawyers.
- St. Elmo's Fire
Last thought, best thought. I'm done for the day.
Kevin: Love, love, you know what love is? Love is an illusion created by lawyer types like yourself to perpetuate another illusion called marriage to create the reality of divorce and then the illusionary need for divorce lawyers.
- St. Elmo's Fire
Last thought, best thought. I'm done for the day.
I need to stop watching movies. Seriously. They're turning me romantical.
Celine: [Celine's song] Let me sing you a waltz / Out of nowhere, out of my thoughts / Let me sing you a waltz / About this one night stand / You were, for me, that night / Everything I always dreamt of in life / But now you're gone / You are far gone / All the way to your island of rain / It was for you just a one night thing / But you were much more to me, just so you know / I don't care what they say / I know what you meant for me that day / I just want another try, I just want another night / Even if it doesn't seem quite right / You meant for me much more than anyone I've met before / One single night with you, little Jesse, is worth a thousand with anybody / I have no bitterness, my sweet / I'll never forget this one night thing / Even tomorrow in other arms, my heart will stay yours until I die / Let me sing you a waltz / Out of nowhere, out of my blues / Let me sing you a waltz / About this lovely one night stand
- "Before Sunset"
Courtesy of IMDb
- "Before Sunset"
Courtesy of IMDb
Ron Shelton, you've done it again.
Crash: "I got a lotta time to hear your theories and I wanta hear every damn one of 'em... but right now I'm tired and I don't wanta think about baseball and I don't wanta think about Quantum Physics... I don't wanta think about nothing...I just wanta be."
Annie: "I can do that, too."
- Bull Durham
Courtesy of IMSDb
Annie: "I can do that, too."
- Bull Durham
Courtesy of IMSDb
9/30/05
Addenda.
The above-mentioned woman was not me.
1. I would never wear skinny-heeled strappy sandals.
2. I would never publicly shout "This is a real New York Moment." I may think it, recount it to friends, write in a ridiculous blog about it...but never publicly shout it.
Sigh. As if I needed to clarify that. As Ann Landers used to say, fifty lashes with a wet noodle, or something like that.
Which sounds kind of icky. I think by the thirty-seventh lash, the noodle would be gross and awful, and you'd have a starchy butt. And it's not much of a punishment, because WET NOODLES DON'T HURT.
Unless they're hot.
Ok, I'm done now. Rant over.
In other news, I've been invited to participate in a ranty-styled comedy show. Fun! Don't get me started....
1. I would never wear skinny-heeled strappy sandals.
2. I would never publicly shout "This is a real New York Moment." I may think it, recount it to friends, write in a ridiculous blog about it...but never publicly shout it.
Sigh. As if I needed to clarify that. As Ann Landers used to say, fifty lashes with a wet noodle, or something like that.
Which sounds kind of icky. I think by the thirty-seventh lash, the noodle would be gross and awful, and you'd have a starchy butt. And it's not much of a punishment, because WET NOODLES DON'T HURT.
Unless they're hot.
Ok, I'm done now. Rant over.
In other news, I've been invited to participate in a ranty-styled comedy show. Fun! Don't get me started....
9/29/05
This is a New York Blog Entry.
A woman was racing across East 39th street, carrying lots of shopping bags. She loses her black strappy sandal in a slight pothole. She turns around, only to helplessly watch in horror as her lonely sandal gets run over by a speeding taxi cab. She scurries back, hopping on one foot, and picks up her lonely lost shoe, which is apparently bruised but unbowed. Balancing on one leg, stashing her shopping bags between her legs, she slips the shoe back on, announcing to no one in particular,
"Now THIS is a New York Moment!"
"Now THIS is a New York Moment!"
9/26/05
9/25/05
Analysis via DVD
Okay. So shopping leads to thinking (Broadway flea market day again) and thinking leads to the question, If I were the kind of person who owns DVDs (that are not sketch comedy collections), what DVDs would I own? (The only ones I own are random thing that are given to me or cost some tiny amount or were found by the ex, things like that).
So, I started thinking.
A short list was formed (including some I saw at the market, and did not buy, cause I couldn't or didn't justify the minimal cost): - In no particular order
Secretary
Moulin Rouge
sex lies and videotape
Casablanca
Love Actually
Bull Durham (I did own this but gifted it to my Mom for her birthday)
Glengarry Glen Ross (similar fate, I believe)
Animal House
Caddyshack
Breakfast Club
St Elmos Fire
All That Jazz
Little Shop of Horrors
High Fidelity
Murder by Death
Annie Hall
the Christopher Guest et al films (Spinal Tap, Guffman, Best in Show, Mighty Wind)
In the TV arena: Homicide, Oz, Your Show of Shows...I didn't pay this much mind. Possibly AbFab.
Okay. Now, this breaks out into a few distinct areas.
1. Quirky or screwball comedies.
2. Guy films. (Caddyshack fits categories 1 or 2). Actually Homicide and Oz are fairly male-dominated.
3. Doomed/quirky romances. (Bull Durham fits into Categories 2 and 3) The couples in these films are disturbed or 'off' in some way. The guy does not necessarily 'get' the girl or vice versa; someone dies (Moulin Rouge, Little Shop of Horrors), gets shackled (Secretary), or you're not quite sure where this is headed (Bull Durham, High Fidelity), or they're outright broken up (Annie Hall) or on a plane (Casablanca). Love Actually has a bunch of these, I think.
Theory: Kevin Costner should only be in baseball films (see Bull Durham, Field of Dreams), and possibly political films (JFK, that one that just came out a couple years ago. oh, maybe not political films).
Theory: The James Spader character in "Secretary" is the older version of the James Spader character in "sex lies and videotape."
4. And a couple of sentimental favorites (St Elmos Fire is a terrible movie, and fits into Category 3 and 4. Murder by Death is kinda odd, but I loved it when I was like ten.)
Whatever, I really do have better things to do.
And I bought 2 videotapes. Barney Miller episodes. A buck apiece. Sweet!
So, I started thinking.
A short list was formed (including some I saw at the market, and did not buy, cause I couldn't or didn't justify the minimal cost): - In no particular order
Secretary
Moulin Rouge
sex lies and videotape
Casablanca
Love Actually
Bull Durham (I did own this but gifted it to my Mom for her birthday)
Glengarry Glen Ross (similar fate, I believe)
Animal House
Caddyshack
Breakfast Club
St Elmos Fire
All That Jazz
Little Shop of Horrors
High Fidelity
Murder by Death
Annie Hall
the Christopher Guest et al films (Spinal Tap, Guffman, Best in Show, Mighty Wind)
In the TV arena: Homicide, Oz, Your Show of Shows...I didn't pay this much mind. Possibly AbFab.
Okay. Now, this breaks out into a few distinct areas.
1. Quirky or screwball comedies.
2. Guy films. (Caddyshack fits categories 1 or 2). Actually Homicide and Oz are fairly male-dominated.
3. Doomed/quirky romances. (Bull Durham fits into Categories 2 and 3) The couples in these films are disturbed or 'off' in some way. The guy does not necessarily 'get' the girl or vice versa; someone dies (Moulin Rouge, Little Shop of Horrors), gets shackled (Secretary), or you're not quite sure where this is headed (Bull Durham, High Fidelity), or they're outright broken up (Annie Hall) or on a plane (Casablanca). Love Actually has a bunch of these, I think.
Theory: Kevin Costner should only be in baseball films (see Bull Durham, Field of Dreams), and possibly political films (JFK, that one that just came out a couple years ago. oh, maybe not political films).
Theory: The James Spader character in "Secretary" is the older version of the James Spader character in "sex lies and videotape."
4. And a couple of sentimental favorites (St Elmos Fire is a terrible movie, and fits into Category 3 and 4. Murder by Death is kinda odd, but I loved it when I was like ten.)
Whatever, I really do have better things to do.
And I bought 2 videotapes. Barney Miller episodes. A buck apiece. Sweet!
9/21/05
The time-zone display thing could get annoying, I suppose.
Just watched the first half of the first episode of NY-LON on BBC America.
Notes to self:
1. Go back to London.
2. Do significantly more solo bar-hopping.
3. Abandon general distaste for overly-manicured sideburns. (Still, what's up with them??)
Yeah, that guy's hot. She's not 'all that.' It gives a girl hope.
She is a New Yorker, though. "Do you have any REAL coffee?"
Shallowly yours....
(I can't say if this series looks anything less than crap, though. Hard to say. Already got the bit.)
Notes to self:
1. Go back to London.
2. Do significantly more solo bar-hopping.
3. Abandon general distaste for overly-manicured sideburns. (Still, what's up with them??)
Yeah, that guy's hot. She's not 'all that.' It gives a girl hope.
She is a New Yorker, though. "Do you have any REAL coffee?"
Shallowly yours....
(I can't say if this series looks anything less than crap, though. Hard to say. Already got the bit.)
9/20/05
crap.
I feel like i've been beaten up. I get about one migraine a year, but this one was hard. And it took me about six hours to locate the tylenol and codeine, which is all i can take for them. I hope it's unrelated to the monster quantity of blood thinners I'm currently on.
I think I threw up in the middle of the night but I'm not entirely sure. I still feel nauseated and achy.
I said horrible things to my mother. Pain makes me angry. Not that they weren't true, but still.
I can't handle most people right now. Even though I want them to help me, I think. I don't know. I can't deal with human fraility. Anyone's.
But tonight, I will be hilarious. I promise.
I think I threw up in the middle of the night but I'm not entirely sure. I still feel nauseated and achy.
I said horrible things to my mother. Pain makes me angry. Not that they weren't true, but still.
I can't handle most people right now. Even though I want them to help me, I think. I don't know. I can't deal with human fraility. Anyone's.
But tonight, I will be hilarious. I promise.
9/19/05
Funeral Flyby
Did you ever wish you could watch yours?
I wish I came from a religious, or movie-watching tradition, that allowed for that possibility in my psyche. 'Cause I would sooner plan one that I'd be around for. I've got that paranoid-party-host fear that I'd throw a funeral, plan all the food, the hall, the music, and NO ONE would show. Or worse, be boooooooring.
How do people figure out who to invite? I've got numbers in my Palm desktop, my email accounts, and my cell phone. No one has my gmail password, clearly, that one's tough. Maybe I should leave it somewhere?? Hmmm, too many embarrassing....Oh, bother.
Do people get up and say stuff, or is that TV material? It's like really short weddings; TV material. That is, until I went to my first Protestant (Episcopalian, I think) one. Boom! Quick! Just like on the TV.
But pretty much - and this always made the man nuts, he who believed in post-mortem ghosties and the eternal soul and all that Catholic stuff - I've been into 'you're dead, you're dead.'
Rats.
(That's yukkier when you're contemplating your decomposing plain-pine-coffin corpse. And I know that's de rigeur amongst the Judaica set, but I hate the idea of taking up extra land and stuff. I partly relish the idea of donating myself to a hapless first-year medical school class....ahh, who knows.)
I'm sure people would show up for the food. The food would be great. Seriously, that much I can assure you. If there's one thing my family knows, and can agree on, it's a freaking buffet.
No problem there.
I wish I came from a religious, or movie-watching tradition, that allowed for that possibility in my psyche. 'Cause I would sooner plan one that I'd be around for. I've got that paranoid-party-host fear that I'd throw a funeral, plan all the food, the hall, the music, and NO ONE would show. Or worse, be boooooooring.
How do people figure out who to invite? I've got numbers in my Palm desktop, my email accounts, and my cell phone. No one has my gmail password, clearly, that one's tough. Maybe I should leave it somewhere?? Hmmm, too many embarrassing....Oh, bother.
Do people get up and say stuff, or is that TV material? It's like really short weddings; TV material. That is, until I went to my first Protestant (Episcopalian, I think) one. Boom! Quick! Just like on the TV.
But pretty much - and this always made the man nuts, he who believed in post-mortem ghosties and the eternal soul and all that Catholic stuff - I've been into 'you're dead, you're dead.'
Rats.
(That's yukkier when you're contemplating your decomposing plain-pine-coffin corpse. And I know that's de rigeur amongst the Judaica set, but I hate the idea of taking up extra land and stuff. I partly relish the idea of donating myself to a hapless first-year medical school class....ahh, who knows.)
I'm sure people would show up for the food. The food would be great. Seriously, that much I can assure you. If there's one thing my family knows, and can agree on, it's a freaking buffet.
No problem there.
9/18/05
Show plug.
Please come to my show!
Tuesday September 20th
Laugh Lounge
151 Essex Street
212-614-2500 for reservations. Or, better, call or email me and I will reserve for you.
830 PM
$10 + 2 Drink Minimum
http://www.laughloungenyc.com/
Hilarious!
Tuesday September 20th
Laugh Lounge
151 Essex Street
212-614-2500 for reservations. Or, better, call or email me and I will reserve for you.
830 PM
$10 + 2 Drink Minimum
http://www.laughloungenyc.com/
Hilarious!
Nothing better to do.
Lots to do. Just not done. Except watch that show "Open Bar," about the opening of a gay bar in West Hollywood. Fun!
I don't know if he's gonna be able to open that bar or not. I am seriously worried. Seriously.
I don't know if he's gonna be able to open that bar or not. I am seriously worried. Seriously.
observations on the AFI 100 Movie quotes
1. Ray Romano has had Botox, and what the fuck is he doing here?
2. George Lucas has a low forehead.
3. Dennis Miller is not completely sucktarded.
4. 25% are from Casablanca
5. Pierce Brosnan is sucktarded.
Top quote? "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."
Coulda told you that. But it's still a pretty good Top 100 list, as these things go.
I have had two Xanax and sleep will not come. But the stress remains.
2. George Lucas has a low forehead.
3. Dennis Miller is not completely sucktarded.
4. 25% are from Casablanca
5. Pierce Brosnan is sucktarded.
Top quote? "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."
Coulda told you that. But it's still a pretty good Top 100 list, as these things go.
I have had two Xanax and sleep will not come. But the stress remains.
9/17/05
About #3
Besides providing me more material than I can bother to write down, and helping me with ideas for various projects, she let me in on this little gem.
When she was in junior high, she had to do a speech project (one of those public speaking things). Terrified of getting up in front of people, she wrote the piece itself on "Stage Fright."
I said, "That's meta." She said, "I don't know what the fuck that means."
Stage Fright. Awesome.
My mom knows how to "fuck your fear," instinctively.
Amazing. And not a single lesson.
Why the fuck isn't she on stage?
When she was in junior high, she had to do a speech project (one of those public speaking things). Terrified of getting up in front of people, she wrote the piece itself on "Stage Fright."
I said, "That's meta." She said, "I don't know what the fuck that means."
Stage Fright. Awesome.
My mom knows how to "fuck your fear," instinctively.
Amazing. And not a single lesson.
Why the fuck isn't she on stage?
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